bluegeek | Fic; Star Trek; That Which Has Been Missing, Kirk/McCoy, Mature

Title: That Which Has Been Missing
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Schmoop? An attempt at smut by someone who doesn't typically write it?
Prompt: First time Jim has sex with someone he actually loves (Bones, obviously)
A/N: This was written for the above prompt over at

buckleup_meme. I had fun writing it, even if it does take me out of my writing comfort zone (omg trying to write pr0n is hard people, how do you do it?).

Jim doesn't know quite how it snuck up on him.

He is spread out on his back and Bones kneels above him, knees pressed tight to Jim's sides. Bones moves over him in a slow, regular rhythm that drives Jim up the wall and he's been steadfast in resisting Jim's attempts to force a faster tempo. With each downward thrust of his hips, Bones takes Jim so deeply into his body that Jim can barely breathe, can barely think, though he does realize that Bones is in complete control.

Jim doesn't quite remember when he gave that control – or is it trust? - over to Bones. He's certainly never allowed anyone that power before and didn't see how it happened now, not in this encounter nor in the portion of his life that is them: Jim and Bones. He only knows that he has and their path has finally led here, to this scene, to this moment. Bones is the personification of good things come to those who wait.

Jim untangles his hands from the sheets and reaches up to clasp onto Bones' hips. Jim holds on tightly, thinking that he never wants to let go and it's then that it hits him - a sharp jab straight to the chest and with enough power to steal away his voice – that he loves Bones. This realization descends upon him just as Bones throws his head back and bares his neck while at the same time dropping his hands to cover Jim's own on his hips and interlocks their fingers over his flesh.

Jim can't say a single word, not a single phrase of encouragement, threat of retribution, nor, thank goodness, plea for relief from the steadily building pressure and desperation that is pulsing through him. He especially can't give voice to his new-found knowledge. He can only lie there, staring at his friend, his lover, as Bones continues to move above him, surrounding him and overwhelming him with every movement and every hitch of his breath.

His last clear thought before he abandons himself entirely to sensation is, So this is what I've been missing. Damned if I'd ever let this go... ever let him go.

Jim wants so badly to tell Bones, to tell the galaxy, that he gets it, that he's found it, but he can't push the words past his lips. They remain trapped in his throat, fluttering in his mind and heart, as he gasps and arches and writhes, and the only sounds he can release are moans as Bones pulls every last piece of Jim, hidden truths and all, out of his body and into Bones himself.

Jim collapses back into the sheets and watches as Bones takes himself in hand and finds his own release before letting himself collapse alongside Jim's limp form.

Bones nuzzles into Jim's neck, kisses along his jaw, and then claims Jim's lips with his own. With that single act, and without a word spoken aloud, Bones gives him everything back and more.