Gleecap: Laryngitis (S1E18)
Jul. 7th, 2011 09:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bluegeekFast Forward Count: 3
Close-up on someone shaving their head, followed by what I assume to be the head-shaver's POV while walking through the school with the typical Glee toodley background and a Jaws-like undertone as well. Said person is met with shock, laughter, and general WTF faces. The shaven walks into the choir room to be greeted by the shocked expressions of the glee kids and we discover that it's Puck, sans mohawk. Apparently his mother found a mole on his head while washing his hair and made him go to the dermatologist's office to get it checked out, necessitating a shave.
I find myself more concerned about the fact that his mother washes his hair than his possible skin cancer. Santana agrees with me. Apparently Puck's hair is the source of his strength, much like Sampson and Agassi, and without it? He's got no mojo. Santana agrees with this assessment, although it could just be because of the whining.
Puck-the-Hawkless is then tossed in the dumpster by the McKinley High nerd High Court, led by Creepy Jacob, because he no longer has enough popularity currency to intimidate them. While lying there amidst the trash and considering the idea of letting the garbage truck solve his problems, Puck hears the sound of his potential salvation: Mercedes is jamming with some of her fellow Cheerios. Puck cannot remember her name; she is only the black girl from glee club. And she is going to be the key to his rise to the top once again.
Puck? You are an ass.
Fast-forward through Rachel's speech about being exhausted by being the best and only true singer and blah blah blah Rachel.
Rachel hires Zizes (who enters the shot to the tune of stomping sounds with every step she takes. Niiiiice, Glee. Really classy.) to prove that half the glee club is phoning it in at practices. Rachel is right and Zizes helps her prove it for the small fee of Mallomars and Snickers bars. Again, Glee: classy. Rachel presents her evidence to Will.
Puck approaches Mercedes with a proposition. A bad and offensive one, which Mercedes points out readily. Liar-Puck also says he likes a girl with curves... when Just a few episodes ago he was telling his knocked up girlfriend(ish) Quinn that she was getting too fat for him. Apparently her curves are in all the wrong places. Like her uterus. You are such an ass, Puck.
Puck is also a self-described ″sex shark″ which means that if he stops moving (humping, I imagine) he dies. Oh my god. Mercedes cuts him off because she's getting embarrassed for him. Thank you, Mercedes. Finally someone who knows my pain. Mercedes finishes shutting Puck down and walks away. You go, Mercedes! No really, I mean it. GO! Run while you can! The shark is after you!
Cut to the choir room: Will is very disappointed in his gleelings. We find out that there is only a month until Regionals and with half the club in not-gonna-bother mode, they are screwed. Will asks them what brought this about:
Finn: All the male leads are going to Jesse, so his confidence has been shaken.
Santana: Her job is to stand there and bring up the relative hotness-factor of the club. Well, she succeeds, I'll give her that.
Quinn: Baby hormones are making her moody. (Now, I get that the show is making a lot of pregnancy stereotype jokes, which is kinda lazy writing, but Agron delivers them so well that you know Quinn's just strategically using the lines as excuses to do and say what she wants.)
Brittany: There are so many lyrics.
Will goes into inspiration-mode and assigns them a task: come up with a song that describes who you are right now and sing it to the club. Ooh, so do we get to hear everyone in the club sing now? That would be nice. Kurt agrees: solos for everyone!
As Kurt and Mercedes walk down the hall, Burt Hummel arrives and calls Kurt's name. Kurt looks scared to see his dad in the hallways of McKinley High, asking him immediately if something is wrong. Makes me wonder if that's an homage to their back story – perhaps Burt had to break the news of Kurt's mother's death to him by showing up at school unexpectedly?
Anyways, nothing's wrong. Well, not in the way that Kurt initially feared, at least. Burt is there to pick up... Finn. To take him to a baseball game. Just the two of them. Kurt is clearly upset that he wasn't invited to go along. Burt explains that he didn't think Kurt would be interested given that every time Burt turns on a game, Kurt immediately starts criticizing the players for their fashion sense. Apparently there is never an excuse for stirrup pants. Anyways, Finn shows up, he and Burt set off, (″I'll see you at home, I'll be home around midnight!″ Burt tosses off as he leaves) and Kurt looks devastated as he watches his dad walk away down the hallway towards his potential son-replacement, Finn.
My heart! She is wrenched!
On a slightly less easily-emotionally-manipulated note: Is Kurt going to take this as an act of war from Finn? Is he going to poison Finn's food supply? Hmm, that seems more like a Sue Sylvester thing to do.
Puck? Your pick-up lines are nauseatingly bad. More curves than a Nissan ad? You're hot, but I can't believe anyone would fall for that.
I'm fast forwarding through Rachel's horrible solo where she realizes she's lost her voice. Not because I hate Rachel ('cause I don't really, mostly, usually, ummm) or any of the usual things, but because I can sympathize waaaaay to easily with having a terrible solo attempt and I may actually pass out in remembered shame if I continue to watch. The fact that she chose a Miley Cyrus song has nothing to do with it. Really.
Sue approaches Kurt in the hallway (calling him Ladyface, incidentally) to question his whereabouts during the last Cheerios practice, noting that she is not at all down with absenteeism. I bet she wouldn't mind if Will was absent from the rest of her natural life. Anyways, Kurt tells her he had an emotionally difficult day and then proceeds to tell SUE SYLVESTER all about his woes!
...
Kurt, are you high? THAT WAS A BAD LIFE DECISION! You and Rachel need to sit down and talk about this habit you two have. Anyways. Sue is about as helpful as you'd expect: telling him how desperately uninterested she is in his problems, questioning his sexuality (How can he be gay, after all if he's never kissed a boy OR a girl?), and vowing never to bother talking to students in the hallway ever again. Scared Cheerios scatter before her as she makes tracks down the hall.
Thanks, Sue. Helpful as always.
Have a mentioned lately that I adore Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch's faces? 'Cause I do. These two are so much fun to watch.
Anyways, despite the lack of warm fuzzies offered to him by Sue Sylvester, Kurt somehow managed to come up with a plan. Let's call it Operation: Flannel. Kurt decides to butch himself up (and drive me into a writhing frenzy of secondhand embarrassment, though I doubt that was his goal) to better bond with his dad, figuring that if he can fill whatever space he assumes is in his dad's life due to having a gay son, then Kurt won't need to feel like a disappointment to his father or be left out again.
Oh my god, guys. I don't know if I can watch this. This is going to be heartbreaking. And almost definitely stomp on my ″embarrassment squick/why does every have to suck″ buttons. But I don't want to miss any part of the Kurt and Burt Story Hour. I am conflicted! My finger is hovering over The Button.
Burt enters Kurt's basement bedroom and finds Kurt dressed in jeans, flannel, and a ball cap. Burt is obviously surprised, though he keeps his expression admirably steady. Kurt talks Mellancamp to Burt, completely missing the point of Mellancamp's songs, and Burt corrects him. I'll take your word on that, Burt. I can't name a single Mellancamp song. Kurt suggests they go out for burgers and discuss it more and Burt agrees. ″Anything to help you out.″ How are even his throwaway lines enough to get me right in the heart?
Burt knows, or at the very least suspects, what's going on here. He has to. He may say he's dumb or try to come across as some simple guy, but regardless of what he may be, he is a good dad and he knows his kid.
Rachel is at a doctor's office (who toys with her emotions by initially telling her that she'll never sing again, her worst fear, of course) with Finn as her emotional support. Where are Rachel's dads? Do they ever show up in this show? Rachel's doctor suggests antibiotics and a tonsillectomy. Rachel suggests resting her voice for a week, chugging herbal tea, and not letting anyone holding a scalpel within ten feet of her vocal chords. Heh.
Then Rachel and Finn argue about Rachel's feelings for Jesse and they continue to not see eye to eye. Rachel's still in love with Jesse despite not having spoken to him since the ″Run, Joey, Run″ debacle.
(Incidentally, Jesse is not appearing in this episode, apparently, because he's on spring break with his Vocal Adrenaline peeps. Dude, they get a spring break? With only 4 weeks to go until Regionals, you'd think they'd all be in a boot camp doing the vocal equivalent of laps and pushups and gas chamber training and stuff...)
Finn's turn to sing his solo. Shots of Finn singing and playing drums in the choir room are mingled with shots of the doctor's office and him creepily (though age-appropriately, I suppose) watching Rachel change clothes behind a conveniently back-lit screen. His song? ″Jesse's Girl.″ I would like to note the opening lines of his song: ″Jesse is a friend. Yeah I know he's been a good friend of mine. But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define, Jessie's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine.″ He's singing as though this song is true to life for him, rather than just a representation of his frustrations, and if so? When were he and Jesse actually friends? Finn had the stones to make a brief peace/truce offering a couple episodes back, true, but I didn't read that as the beginning of an everlasting friendship.
While singing, Finn makes it painfully obvious that he is singing about and to Rachel. Between that and the name of the song evenBrittany the dimmest member of the New Directions must be able to figure it out. Subtle, Finn ain't. Rachel, meanwhile, rather than looking as giddy about this as she would have a fee episodes back, looks really uncomfortable. Don't like the taste of your own medicine, do you, Rach? Anyways, Finn sounds good and I like his solo despite the awkwardness of it (and the awkwardness of his reeeeeeeeally enthusiastic facial expressions).
Puck's turn. Puck sings a song specifically designed (in his mind, at least) to lure Mercedes. He brings along his homies in the jazz band to play backup as he sings and dances. He even made a speech about blacks and Jews and oh my god, people, this is excruciating. Mercedes initially agrees with me, as evidenced by her eyeroll.
Apparently the only thing that people can ever notice or try to appeal to Mercedes about is her being black? What? It's not like she has a life, or past, or interests like, say, singing or being a cheerleader or anything, right? She's not a real teenager, so I'm sure she doesn't do anything like watch movies, listen to CDs, take long walks, or play video games or anything. Oh come on, show.
Anyways, Puck sings ″The Lady is a Tramp″ by Frank Sinatra, doesn't suck at it, and Mercedes joins in singing with him, clearly having a good time. She sounds fantastic. Most of the glee club members are enjoying the show. I say most, however, because Santana looks about ready to commit acts of Mercedicide. And has a lovely, snake-like side-to-side head shuffle thing going on.
More Quincedes! Mercedes apologizes to Quinn saying that while she knows Puck is Quinn's baby daddy and normally she wouldn't step on Quinn's pregnant toes, ″something special″ happened between them. Riiiiiiight. Anyways, Quinn, looking sincere and earnest, tells Mercedes to go for it, but be careful. Not because Quinn's out to get her, mind you, but because Puck is using her (which Mercedes already knows) and because Santana is likely gunning for her. Best of luck, Mercedes. Santana did not look thrilled about Puck's song. I love that Quinn and Mercedes are friendly and Quinn did seem legitimately concerned for her.
(I did learn, incidentally, the answer to my previous question about where Quinn is living these days. It turns out she's living with Puck and his mother. Who won't let her eat bacon. Even though their family tradition involved eating sweet and sour pork while watching Schindler's List. I don't know.)
Choir room: Kurt, using a really awkward, painful-to-hear affected low tone (and odd accent, too) asks to go next. Will is a bit thrown off by this new butch!Kurt, but agrees. The Button! It is calling! *cringe* Okay. *deep breath* I can do this. I don't want to miss Colfer's singing, so I just have to tough this out, right?
So Kurt sings ″Pink Houses″ by John Mellencamp. He uses a lot of growl in his voice for this one. And looks angry. I think my borrowed pain over why he's doing this is blocking me from appreciating what was probably a nice performance because mostly I'm impressed I got through it without The Button. I paused a couple times, though, but that doesn't really count.
Anyways, he got odd looks and slow claps from the glee club, so it seems to have not entirely won them over. Then Kurt kind of swaggers up to Will to somewhat aggressively question his solo's lukewarm reception. Will feels like Kurt didn't really follow the assignment's guidelines to sing a song that really expressed themselves. Kurt responds, ″I'm not a box. There are more than four sides to me.″ That's not a box, Kurt. Whatever, I know this is supposed to be Kurt's ″nobody puts Baby in a corner″ moment and I'm not so sure that it succeeded.
As Kurt leaves the room, Brittany approaches him to compliment him on his performance. And to say that now that Kurt isn't gay anymore (as evidenced by the song choice, I suppose? What?) she'd like to make out with him to bring her record up to 100% and that a perfect record would mean a lot to her. She tells him to let her know if he'd like to tap that and walks away, Cheerios skirt a-swishing. Kurt looks both nervous and thoughtful.
Omg, really? Is this really going to happen? What would the portmanteau couple name be for them? Brurt? Kurtanny? Pummel? Eh, those are really working for me (and I think Pummel works better as a Puck/Kurt, but I am not going there, okay?). Anyone got any better ideas?
Finn sees a tired and harried-looking Rachel walk down the hall carrying a bowl of soup. It is a bunny bowl. Eee! She cannot sleep, it's three days of antibiotics later and she isn't any better, and she is freaking out about needing the surgery. She thinks her life is over. ″I am my voice. I am like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live!″ Finn thinks she should get over herself. Gee, Finn. You had so many opportunities to call her on her crap before, but you wait until now, when she's sick and scared and feeling rotten? I do not approve.
OMG! AHHHHHHHHH! KURT AND BRITTANY ARE ACTUALLY FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH IT! AHHHHH! And also: HAHAHAHA! Brittany slides her hand up his leg towards his ass, he grabs it and slides it back down. *snicker* They are wrapped around each other on a too-small couch in dim lighting. Kurt is still in his lumberjack clothes. Brittany is adorable. And apparently wearing root beer flavored lip gloss. Kurt uses this opportunity to ask Britt what boys lips taste like. Dip, burgers, and armpits, apparently. How attractive. But way to collect data for the future, Kurt. I applaud you.
Uh-oh. I just heard a door. I'm guessing this is the moment Burt walks in on them. All part of Kurt's master plan, I suppose. Operation: Flannel continues. And Burt's initial reaction to catching his gay, flannel-wearing son making out with one of the hottest girls in school on the couch in his basement bedroom with the door having apparently been closed is... raised eyebrows. I'm kinda curious if his reaction would be different were Kurt making out with a guy.
Omg. *facepalm* Kurt put up a do not disturb sign on his doorknob. That included far too much information on the activities that he and Britt were partaking in downstairs. I just... I can't even...
Let's move along, shall we? Quickly. And you know what I mean: Button time. I'm not strong enough for this.
So Burt pulls Kurt aside, says that he's been ″dealing with″ the ″being gay″ thing for a few months and is now confused because it's not not the case. Kurt says they have more in common and blah blah blah. You guys can bond over things other than a love for tits, ya know. Anyways, Burt reiterates that Kurt can be whoever and whatever he really is and Burt will be fine with it and love him, and Kurt can just let him know when he's decided on things. Then he tells Brittany it was nice to meet her (I'm guessing he doesn't remember her from the Single Ladies dance. Probably too caught up in his son wearing a sparkly leotard), tells Kurt to respect her, and to use protection if things get ″serious″.
I'm suspecting he doesn't really think there is a ton of dedicated hanky-panky going on here, because I doubt he'd be quite so blasé and dismissive about the protection talk. Then again, my parents never really got around to any sort of talk with me on the issue one way or another, so who knows.
Brittany's response to the ″use protection″ instruction? ″Does he mean, like, a burglar alarm?″ Oh Brittany.
Puck is treating Mercedes to a riveting discussion on Super Mario Brothers 3. Fortunately, she decides to school him on How To Impress One's Girlfriend, by telling him he needs to stop talking about boring (to her) crap and start finding out more about her. An example? She likes frozen coffee drinks. Puck has never tried that whole ″giving a crap about his girlfriend″ thing, so why not give it a shot? He takes the hint, gives her a chaste cheek-kiss, and goes to fetch her coffee. Awww.
Puck sees Jacob walking down the hall and avoiding his gaze, grabs him, and slams him up against the lockers while asking for an explanation. Apparently Puck's plan to reclaim his popularity is working and he's cool again, thanks to Mercedes. Some of the kids who threw him in the dumpster earlier have even transferred out of the school in fear of retaliation. Puck is pleased and takes Jacob's lunch money to use it for Mercedes' drink.
Mercedes calls Santana (on their cells, even though they are walking right next to each other down the hall) and they begin a duet of ″The Boy Is Mine″ by Brandy and Monica. The opening was stupid (not their fault, the opening of the original is stupid), but it's awesome to hear them singing. I want more Santana singing! Anyways, Puck has the biggest smirk on his face as the girls songfight over him.
So whose ″personal″ song is this supposed to be? Mercedes' or Santana's? Or both? Anyways, the situation deteriorates into the beginnings of a slapping/shoving match and Will breaks them up. Come on, you two. Stop stroking his ego please? He doesn't need the help, I promise.
Puck and his jock buddies are getting revenge on the nerds and throwing them into the dumpster. They have even lined up to greet their fate. And where were the jocks when you needed them before, eh, Puck? Fair weather friends? Anyways, Mercedes thinks that behavior is Not Cool and calls Puck out on it. Puck does not care about her objections. They are part of the High School Circle of Life and it is their duty to maintain the natural order of things. He points out that Mercedes is part of that circle now too... and on the predator side.
Ah, so now we learn why Finn has conveniently decided to stand up to Rachel and her whining. It's so we can learn our lesson of the week! He brings her to visit his friend Sean, a kid he met at football camp a few years ago. Sean suffered a football-related spinal injury that left him paralyzed from the chest down. Finn brought Rachel to meet Sean to show her that people have depths, and value beyond just one area of greatness. For him, more than football. For her, more than singing. At lest it seems like Finn ran his plan by Sean first for his approval rather than just showing up and putting them both in an awkward position. Rachel seems to have gotten the message and thanks Sean for the dose of perspective that he just doled out.
Then we see Mercedes. Dressed as her former fabulous self – no Cheerios uniform. (Not that she wasn't fabulous as a Cheerio, but it was a lot more boring.) Mercedes has quit the team, much to Sue's surprise (″Nobody quits the Cheerios. You either die or I kick you off!″). Sue has legitimate objections here since their National competition is in 3 weeks and Mercedes plays an integral part in their routine.
Mercedes tells Puck that being in the glee club has taught her to be true to herself and that being on the Cheerios did not live up to that ideal. She also tells Puck to consider who he really is as well because she doesn't like the guy she saw tossing dweebs into dumpsters. She thinks that there is more to him than that.
Kurt and Britt walk down the hall holding hands, talking about duck fat moisturizers, and being obnoxious. Omg, how much more of this charade must I endure? I am swiftly moving past sympathetic horror and into irritation at the whole thing. I wonder if I would feel differently were the purpose of it for Kurt to explore his sexuality because he wants to, rather because he thinks he'll lose his father if he doesn't try to be more ″manly″. And pretending to be something you're not in order to gain acceptance or avoid hassling or bullying is not at all unusual in the world, so although glee takes it to ridiculous levels, there is an actual glimmer of reality around which the ridiculous scenario is formed. It's just so hard to watch his pained face try to fake this and smoosh out who he really is and who he wants to be to do it. Argh.
I should not be taking this show so seriously. It is bad for my brain and I cannot discuss things with the eloquence I want to, so I should stick to being snarky and sweary and move along, yes?
Anyways, once again, Burt's at McKinley to pick up Finn. Apparently the Finnster caught a foul ball at that ball game they went to and won free food and motor cross tickets, so Burt is there to pick up for another bonding session. Kurt asks Brittany for some privacy to talk with his dad. In the middle of the crowded hallway. Yeah.
Anyways, once again Kurt asks Burt if he ever thought that Kurt would want to go and spend time with him, too. Most moving about this is how softly Kurt asks the question, like he's holding tight to his composure with all his strength and trying not to let all of his hurt and betrayal burst out, even though you can tell from his face that it desperately wants to. Burt tells him that it's important to Finn to have a guy to rely on in his life and the Carol is in support of them growing closer. Burt offers to make plans to hang out with Kurt any time he wants to... just not that night.
Kurt looks crushed. Again. He feels like he's losing his father, the plan that he'd hatched didn't work, and he only made himself miserable while gaining nothing. Time for a song! He breaks into ″Rose's Turn″ from Gypsy as he stares at his father's retreating back and then turns to walk down the hallway. (I had to look the song up. Bite me.)
Cut to a stage... And Kurt's back! He's wearing Kurt clothes (plaid pants and all) and singing Broadway again and it's amazing and sad and wonderful. And now there's his name in lights. Hmm. O...kay.
Nope, it's still amazing.
He finishes his song and hears clapping. From Burt. Who was apparently watching his performance and is impressed. YAY! Burt canceled hoagies with Finn to come find Kurt because he knew Kurt was ″bent out of shape″ about it.
Kurt: ″Me? I'm fine.″
Burt: ″I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. And I have no idea what that song was about, but fine don't sing like you just sung.″
Okay, so I'm going to admit right now that I watched the rest of this scene through without pausing to type anything up, and by the end of it there were maybe a few tears. I was going to blame it on fatigue and the partial night-shift I worked, and not how awesome these two are, but who am I kidding? Holy crap, guys! *sniffle* Kurt & Burt Story Hour!
So this scene cannot be adequately summed up in this recap. It just can't. It must be watched and appreciated. But here's the best I can do while still looking for tissues.
Burt acknowledges that he may have gotten carried away with bonding with Finn and doing ″guy things″ and that ″this thing with Kurt,″ meaning Kurt's being gay (and yes, Kurt does call him on his discomfort with even saying the word gay), is a challenge for him to adjust to, and that he's working on it. ″Look, I will fight to the death for your right to love whoever you want, but when you were a little baby in my arms? Did I dream about taking you to baseball games and talking about girls? Yeah, I did. A lot of fathers do.″
Kurt doesn't know how to handle this admission and bitterly replies, ″I had no idea how disappointing I was.″
Burt manages to call Kurt on his defensive, dismissive reaction without taking away from the depth of this scene. He tells Kurt to stop playing the victim and talk to him, not walk away. Burt is trying to be honest with him, not hurtful, and to explain why he's maybe been reacting the way he has. Kurt, for his part, recognizes that he's not giving his dad a chance, and gives up flippant in favor of honest.
Burt: ″You know that's not what I mean!″
Kurt: ″I know. I'm sorry. I know you're working hard on yourself to make all this okay. Just seeing you, the way you are with Finn... How easy it is. Breaks my heart.″
So now I'm crying along with Kurt at this point, and Burt clues in to the fact that Kurt's change of clothing and behavior is related to his fear of losing his father. That Kurt is trying to change for Burt, too.
Kurt: ″I just want you to know that I'm going to work as hard as you to make this okay.″
Burt: ″You don't have to work at anything, Kurt. You're job is to be yourself. And my job is to love you, no matter what.″
And he's doing the eye contact thing, and not looking away or acting ashamed of having emotions, and I AM LOSING IT.
Kurt: ″I missed you, Dad.″
Burt: ″Oh, c'mere.″
They hug. Even Burt is getting choked up at this point. Of course this means there's no hope for me.
Burt: ″I love you.″
Kurt: ″I love you, too.″
Oh my god, guys. That scene makes this whole painful episode SO WORTH IT.
So Rachel goes back to visit Sean and thanks him, as well as offers him singing lessons. Her voice is back, and the actor that plays Sean does an excellent job with just a glance of saying how nice that is for her, and that it's too bad that Sean's spinal injury can't be solved by antibiotics and weird herbs. They sing U2's ″One″ as a duet. Oh god, is Rachel going to fall in love with Sean? Can she really juggle another guy?
The duet segues over to Finn & the glee club singing the song together on stage, then back to Rachel and Sean. Fin.
So my wish to hear solos from everyone in the club was not granted. I am in a forgiving mood, however, due to my still-sniffliness, so I'll be patient. Perhaps someday even Other Asian and Shaft will get the chance to sing. And I'd like more Tina too, please.
* * *
In other news, my Glee DVDs are already 2 days overdue at the library as of this recap and I still have 4 episodes to go. Eek. And I see that I have a 30% off coupon to Borders sitting in my inbox just calling to me. I cannot believe that I am considering buying this show, but I'm really beginning to believe that it's worth it for the Kurt & Burt Story Hour scenes alone. What to do, what to do...
Close-up on someone shaving their head, followed by what I assume to be the head-shaver's POV while walking through the school with the typical Glee toodley background and a Jaws-like undertone as well. Said person is met with shock, laughter, and general WTF faces. The shaven walks into the choir room to be greeted by the shocked expressions of the glee kids and we discover that it's Puck, sans mohawk. Apparently his mother found a mole on his head while washing his hair and made him go to the dermatologist's office to get it checked out, necessitating a shave.
I find myself more concerned about the fact that his mother washes his hair than his possible skin cancer. Santana agrees with me. Apparently Puck's hair is the source of his strength, much like Sampson and Agassi, and without it? He's got no mojo. Santana agrees with this assessment, although it could just be because of the whining.
Puck-the-Hawkless is then tossed in the dumpster by the McKinley High nerd High Court, led by Creepy Jacob, because he no longer has enough popularity currency to intimidate them. While lying there amidst the trash and considering the idea of letting the garbage truck solve his problems, Puck hears the sound of his potential salvation: Mercedes is jamming with some of her fellow Cheerios. Puck cannot remember her name; she is only the black girl from glee club. And she is going to be the key to his rise to the top once again.
Puck? You are an ass.
Fast-forward through Rachel's speech about being exhausted by being the best and only true singer and blah blah blah Rachel.
Rachel hires Zizes (who enters the shot to the tune of stomping sounds with every step she takes. Niiiiice, Glee. Really classy.) to prove that half the glee club is phoning it in at practices. Rachel is right and Zizes helps her prove it for the small fee of Mallomars and Snickers bars. Again, Glee: classy. Rachel presents her evidence to Will.
Puck approaches Mercedes with a proposition. A bad and offensive one, which Mercedes points out readily. Liar-Puck also says he likes a girl with curves... when Just a few episodes ago he was telling his knocked up girlfriend(ish) Quinn that she was getting too fat for him. Apparently her curves are in all the wrong places. Like her uterus. You are such an ass, Puck.
Puck is also a self-described ″sex shark″ which means that if he stops moving (humping, I imagine) he dies. Oh my god. Mercedes cuts him off because she's getting embarrassed for him. Thank you, Mercedes. Finally someone who knows my pain. Mercedes finishes shutting Puck down and walks away. You go, Mercedes! No really, I mean it. GO! Run while you can! The shark is after you!
Cut to the choir room: Will is very disappointed in his gleelings. We find out that there is only a month until Regionals and with half the club in not-gonna-bother mode, they are screwed. Will asks them what brought this about:
Finn: All the male leads are going to Jesse, so his confidence has been shaken.
Santana: Her job is to stand there and bring up the relative hotness-factor of the club. Well, she succeeds, I'll give her that.
Quinn: Baby hormones are making her moody. (Now, I get that the show is making a lot of pregnancy stereotype jokes, which is kinda lazy writing, but Agron delivers them so well that you know Quinn's just strategically using the lines as excuses to do and say what she wants.)
Brittany: There are so many lyrics.
Will goes into inspiration-mode and assigns them a task: come up with a song that describes who you are right now and sing it to the club. Ooh, so do we get to hear everyone in the club sing now? That would be nice. Kurt agrees: solos for everyone!
As Kurt and Mercedes walk down the hall, Burt Hummel arrives and calls Kurt's name. Kurt looks scared to see his dad in the hallways of McKinley High, asking him immediately if something is wrong. Makes me wonder if that's an homage to their back story – perhaps Burt had to break the news of Kurt's mother's death to him by showing up at school unexpectedly?
Anyways, nothing's wrong. Well, not in the way that Kurt initially feared, at least. Burt is there to pick up... Finn. To take him to a baseball game. Just the two of them. Kurt is clearly upset that he wasn't invited to go along. Burt explains that he didn't think Kurt would be interested given that every time Burt turns on a game, Kurt immediately starts criticizing the players for their fashion sense. Apparently there is never an excuse for stirrup pants. Anyways, Finn shows up, he and Burt set off, (″I'll see you at home, I'll be home around midnight!″ Burt tosses off as he leaves) and Kurt looks devastated as he watches his dad walk away down the hallway towards his potential son-replacement, Finn.
My heart! She is wrenched!
On a slightly less easily-emotionally-manipulated note: Is Kurt going to take this as an act of war from Finn? Is he going to poison Finn's food supply? Hmm, that seems more like a Sue Sylvester thing to do.
Puck? Your pick-up lines are nauseatingly bad. More curves than a Nissan ad? You're hot, but I can't believe anyone would fall for that.
I'm fast forwarding through Rachel's horrible solo where she realizes she's lost her voice. Not because I hate Rachel ('cause I don't really, mostly, usually, ummm) or any of the usual things, but because I can sympathize waaaaay to easily with having a terrible solo attempt and I may actually pass out in remembered shame if I continue to watch. The fact that she chose a Miley Cyrus song has nothing to do with it. Really.
Sue approaches Kurt in the hallway (calling him Ladyface, incidentally) to question his whereabouts during the last Cheerios practice, noting that she is not at all down with absenteeism. I bet she wouldn't mind if Will was absent from the rest of her natural life. Anyways, Kurt tells her he had an emotionally difficult day and then proceeds to tell SUE SYLVESTER all about his woes!
...
Kurt, are you high? THAT WAS A BAD LIFE DECISION! You and Rachel need to sit down and talk about this habit you two have. Anyways. Sue is about as helpful as you'd expect: telling him how desperately uninterested she is in his problems, questioning his sexuality (How can he be gay, after all if he's never kissed a boy OR a girl?), and vowing never to bother talking to students in the hallway ever again. Scared Cheerios scatter before her as she makes tracks down the hall.
Thanks, Sue. Helpful as always.
Have a mentioned lately that I adore Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch's faces? 'Cause I do. These two are so much fun to watch.
Anyways, despite the lack of warm fuzzies offered to him by Sue Sylvester, Kurt somehow managed to come up with a plan. Let's call it Operation: Flannel. Kurt decides to butch himself up (and drive me into a writhing frenzy of secondhand embarrassment, though I doubt that was his goal) to better bond with his dad, figuring that if he can fill whatever space he assumes is in his dad's life due to having a gay son, then Kurt won't need to feel like a disappointment to his father or be left out again.
Oh my god, guys. I don't know if I can watch this. This is going to be heartbreaking. And almost definitely stomp on my ″embarrassment squick/why does every have to suck″ buttons. But I don't want to miss any part of the Kurt and Burt Story Hour. I am conflicted! My finger is hovering over The Button.
Burt enters Kurt's basement bedroom and finds Kurt dressed in jeans, flannel, and a ball cap. Burt is obviously surprised, though he keeps his expression admirably steady. Kurt talks Mellancamp to Burt, completely missing the point of Mellancamp's songs, and Burt corrects him. I'll take your word on that, Burt. I can't name a single Mellancamp song. Kurt suggests they go out for burgers and discuss it more and Burt agrees. ″Anything to help you out.″ How are even his throwaway lines enough to get me right in the heart?
Burt knows, or at the very least suspects, what's going on here. He has to. He may say he's dumb or try to come across as some simple guy, but regardless of what he may be, he is a good dad and he knows his kid.
Rachel is at a doctor's office (who toys with her emotions by initially telling her that she'll never sing again, her worst fear, of course) with Finn as her emotional support. Where are Rachel's dads? Do they ever show up in this show? Rachel's doctor suggests antibiotics and a tonsillectomy. Rachel suggests resting her voice for a week, chugging herbal tea, and not letting anyone holding a scalpel within ten feet of her vocal chords. Heh.
Then Rachel and Finn argue about Rachel's feelings for Jesse and they continue to not see eye to eye. Rachel's still in love with Jesse despite not having spoken to him since the ″Run, Joey, Run″ debacle.
(Incidentally, Jesse is not appearing in this episode, apparently, because he's on spring break with his Vocal Adrenaline peeps. Dude, they get a spring break? With only 4 weeks to go until Regionals, you'd think they'd all be in a boot camp doing the vocal equivalent of laps and pushups and gas chamber training and stuff...)
Finn's turn to sing his solo. Shots of Finn singing and playing drums in the choir room are mingled with shots of the doctor's office and him creepily (though age-appropriately, I suppose) watching Rachel change clothes behind a conveniently back-lit screen. His song? ″Jesse's Girl.″ I would like to note the opening lines of his song: ″Jesse is a friend. Yeah I know he's been a good friend of mine. But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define, Jessie's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine.″ He's singing as though this song is true to life for him, rather than just a representation of his frustrations, and if so? When were he and Jesse actually friends? Finn had the stones to make a brief peace/truce offering a couple episodes back, true, but I didn't read that as the beginning of an everlasting friendship.
While singing, Finn makes it painfully obvious that he is singing about and to Rachel. Between that and the name of the song even
Puck's turn. Puck sings a song specifically designed (in his mind, at least) to lure Mercedes. He brings along his homies in the jazz band to play backup as he sings and dances. He even made a speech about blacks and Jews and oh my god, people, this is excruciating. Mercedes initially agrees with me, as evidenced by her eyeroll.
Apparently the only thing that people can ever notice or try to appeal to Mercedes about is her being black? What? It's not like she has a life, or past, or interests like, say, singing or being a cheerleader or anything, right? She's not a real teenager, so I'm sure she doesn't do anything like watch movies, listen to CDs, take long walks, or play video games or anything. Oh come on, show.
Anyways, Puck sings ″The Lady is a Tramp″ by Frank Sinatra, doesn't suck at it, and Mercedes joins in singing with him, clearly having a good time. She sounds fantastic. Most of the glee club members are enjoying the show. I say most, however, because Santana looks about ready to commit acts of Mercedicide. And has a lovely, snake-like side-to-side head shuffle thing going on.
More Quincedes! Mercedes apologizes to Quinn saying that while she knows Puck is Quinn's baby daddy and normally she wouldn't step on Quinn's pregnant toes, ″something special″ happened between them. Riiiiiiight. Anyways, Quinn, looking sincere and earnest, tells Mercedes to go for it, but be careful. Not because Quinn's out to get her, mind you, but because Puck is using her (which Mercedes already knows) and because Santana is likely gunning for her. Best of luck, Mercedes. Santana did not look thrilled about Puck's song. I love that Quinn and Mercedes are friendly and Quinn did seem legitimately concerned for her.
(I did learn, incidentally, the answer to my previous question about where Quinn is living these days. It turns out she's living with Puck and his mother. Who won't let her eat bacon. Even though their family tradition involved eating sweet and sour pork while watching Schindler's List. I don't know.)
Choir room: Kurt, using a really awkward, painful-to-hear affected low tone (and odd accent, too) asks to go next. Will is a bit thrown off by this new butch!Kurt, but agrees. The Button! It is calling! *cringe* Okay. *deep breath* I can do this. I don't want to miss Colfer's singing, so I just have to tough this out, right?
So Kurt sings ″Pink Houses″ by John Mellencamp. He uses a lot of growl in his voice for this one. And looks angry. I think my borrowed pain over why he's doing this is blocking me from appreciating what was probably a nice performance because mostly I'm impressed I got through it without The Button. I paused a couple times, though, but that doesn't really count.
Anyways, he got odd looks and slow claps from the glee club, so it seems to have not entirely won them over. Then Kurt kind of swaggers up to Will to somewhat aggressively question his solo's lukewarm reception. Will feels like Kurt didn't really follow the assignment's guidelines to sing a song that really expressed themselves. Kurt responds, ″I'm not a box. There are more than four sides to me.″ That's not a box, Kurt. Whatever, I know this is supposed to be Kurt's ″nobody puts Baby in a corner″ moment and I'm not so sure that it succeeded.
As Kurt leaves the room, Brittany approaches him to compliment him on his performance. And to say that now that Kurt isn't gay anymore (as evidenced by the song choice, I suppose? What?) she'd like to make out with him to bring her record up to 100% and that a perfect record would mean a lot to her. She tells him to let her know if he'd like to tap that and walks away, Cheerios skirt a-swishing. Kurt looks both nervous and thoughtful.
Omg, really? Is this really going to happen? What would the portmanteau couple name be for them? Brurt? Kurtanny? Pummel? Eh, those are really working for me (and I think Pummel works better as a Puck/Kurt, but I am not going there, okay?). Anyone got any better ideas?
Finn sees a tired and harried-looking Rachel walk down the hall carrying a bowl of soup. It is a bunny bowl. Eee! She cannot sleep, it's three days of antibiotics later and she isn't any better, and she is freaking out about needing the surgery. She thinks her life is over. ″I am my voice. I am like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live!″ Finn thinks she should get over herself. Gee, Finn. You had so many opportunities to call her on her crap before, but you wait until now, when she's sick and scared and feeling rotten? I do not approve.
OMG! AHHHHHHHHH! KURT AND BRITTANY ARE ACTUALLY FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH IT! AHHHHH! And also: HAHAHAHA! Brittany slides her hand up his leg towards his ass, he grabs it and slides it back down. *snicker* They are wrapped around each other on a too-small couch in dim lighting. Kurt is still in his lumberjack clothes. Brittany is adorable. And apparently wearing root beer flavored lip gloss. Kurt uses this opportunity to ask Britt what boys lips taste like. Dip, burgers, and armpits, apparently. How attractive. But way to collect data for the future, Kurt. I applaud you.
Uh-oh. I just heard a door. I'm guessing this is the moment Burt walks in on them. All part of Kurt's master plan, I suppose. Operation: Flannel continues. And Burt's initial reaction to catching his gay, flannel-wearing son making out with one of the hottest girls in school on the couch in his basement bedroom with the door having apparently been closed is... raised eyebrows. I'm kinda curious if his reaction would be different were Kurt making out with a guy.
Omg. *facepalm* Kurt put up a do not disturb sign on his doorknob. That included far too much information on the activities that he and Britt were partaking in downstairs. I just... I can't even...
Let's move along, shall we? Quickly. And you know what I mean: Button time. I'm not strong enough for this.
So Burt pulls Kurt aside, says that he's been ″dealing with″ the ″being gay″ thing for a few months and is now confused because it's not not the case. Kurt says they have more in common and blah blah blah. You guys can bond over things other than a love for tits, ya know. Anyways, Burt reiterates that Kurt can be whoever and whatever he really is and Burt will be fine with it and love him, and Kurt can just let him know when he's decided on things. Then he tells Brittany it was nice to meet her (I'm guessing he doesn't remember her from the Single Ladies dance. Probably too caught up in his son wearing a sparkly leotard), tells Kurt to respect her, and to use protection if things get ″serious″.
I'm suspecting he doesn't really think there is a ton of dedicated hanky-panky going on here, because I doubt he'd be quite so blasé and dismissive about the protection talk. Then again, my parents never really got around to any sort of talk with me on the issue one way or another, so who knows.
Brittany's response to the ″use protection″ instruction? ″Does he mean, like, a burglar alarm?″ Oh Brittany.
Puck is treating Mercedes to a riveting discussion on Super Mario Brothers 3. Fortunately, she decides to school him on How To Impress One's Girlfriend, by telling him he needs to stop talking about boring (to her) crap and start finding out more about her. An example? She likes frozen coffee drinks. Puck has never tried that whole ″giving a crap about his girlfriend″ thing, so why not give it a shot? He takes the hint, gives her a chaste cheek-kiss, and goes to fetch her coffee. Awww.
Puck sees Jacob walking down the hall and avoiding his gaze, grabs him, and slams him up against the lockers while asking for an explanation. Apparently Puck's plan to reclaim his popularity is working and he's cool again, thanks to Mercedes. Some of the kids who threw him in the dumpster earlier have even transferred out of the school in fear of retaliation. Puck is pleased and takes Jacob's lunch money to use it for Mercedes' drink.
Mercedes calls Santana (on their cells, even though they are walking right next to each other down the hall) and they begin a duet of ″The Boy Is Mine″ by Brandy and Monica. The opening was stupid (not their fault, the opening of the original is stupid), but it's awesome to hear them singing. I want more Santana singing! Anyways, Puck has the biggest smirk on his face as the girls songfight over him.
So whose ″personal″ song is this supposed to be? Mercedes' or Santana's? Or both? Anyways, the situation deteriorates into the beginnings of a slapping/shoving match and Will breaks them up. Come on, you two. Stop stroking his ego please? He doesn't need the help, I promise.
Puck and his jock buddies are getting revenge on the nerds and throwing them into the dumpster. They have even lined up to greet their fate. And where were the jocks when you needed them before, eh, Puck? Fair weather friends? Anyways, Mercedes thinks that behavior is Not Cool and calls Puck out on it. Puck does not care about her objections. They are part of the High School Circle of Life and it is their duty to maintain the natural order of things. He points out that Mercedes is part of that circle now too... and on the predator side.
Ah, so now we learn why Finn has conveniently decided to stand up to Rachel and her whining. It's so we can learn our lesson of the week! He brings her to visit his friend Sean, a kid he met at football camp a few years ago. Sean suffered a football-related spinal injury that left him paralyzed from the chest down. Finn brought Rachel to meet Sean to show her that people have depths, and value beyond just one area of greatness. For him, more than football. For her, more than singing. At lest it seems like Finn ran his plan by Sean first for his approval rather than just showing up and putting them both in an awkward position. Rachel seems to have gotten the message and thanks Sean for the dose of perspective that he just doled out.
Then we see Mercedes. Dressed as her former fabulous self – no Cheerios uniform. (Not that she wasn't fabulous as a Cheerio, but it was a lot more boring.) Mercedes has quit the team, much to Sue's surprise (″Nobody quits the Cheerios. You either die or I kick you off!″). Sue has legitimate objections here since their National competition is in 3 weeks and Mercedes plays an integral part in their routine.
Mercedes tells Puck that being in the glee club has taught her to be true to herself and that being on the Cheerios did not live up to that ideal. She also tells Puck to consider who he really is as well because she doesn't like the guy she saw tossing dweebs into dumpsters. She thinks that there is more to him than that.
Kurt and Britt walk down the hall holding hands, talking about duck fat moisturizers, and being obnoxious. Omg, how much more of this charade must I endure? I am swiftly moving past sympathetic horror and into irritation at the whole thing. I wonder if I would feel differently were the purpose of it for Kurt to explore his sexuality because he wants to, rather because he thinks he'll lose his father if he doesn't try to be more ″manly″. And pretending to be something you're not in order to gain acceptance or avoid hassling or bullying is not at all unusual in the world, so although glee takes it to ridiculous levels, there is an actual glimmer of reality around which the ridiculous scenario is formed. It's just so hard to watch his pained face try to fake this and smoosh out who he really is and who he wants to be to do it. Argh.
I should not be taking this show so seriously. It is bad for my brain and I cannot discuss things with the eloquence I want to, so I should stick to being snarky and sweary and move along, yes?
Anyways, once again, Burt's at McKinley to pick up Finn. Apparently the Finnster caught a foul ball at that ball game they went to and won free food and motor cross tickets, so Burt is there to pick up for another bonding session. Kurt asks Brittany for some privacy to talk with his dad. In the middle of the crowded hallway. Yeah.
Anyways, once again Kurt asks Burt if he ever thought that Kurt would want to go and spend time with him, too. Most moving about this is how softly Kurt asks the question, like he's holding tight to his composure with all his strength and trying not to let all of his hurt and betrayal burst out, even though you can tell from his face that it desperately wants to. Burt tells him that it's important to Finn to have a guy to rely on in his life and the Carol is in support of them growing closer. Burt offers to make plans to hang out with Kurt any time he wants to... just not that night.
Kurt looks crushed. Again. He feels like he's losing his father, the plan that he'd hatched didn't work, and he only made himself miserable while gaining nothing. Time for a song! He breaks into ″Rose's Turn″ from Gypsy as he stares at his father's retreating back and then turns to walk down the hallway. (I had to look the song up. Bite me.)
Cut to a stage... And Kurt's back! He's wearing Kurt clothes (plaid pants and all) and singing Broadway again and it's amazing and sad and wonderful. And now there's his name in lights. Hmm. O...kay.
Nope, it's still amazing.
He finishes his song and hears clapping. From Burt. Who was apparently watching his performance and is impressed. YAY! Burt canceled hoagies with Finn to come find Kurt because he knew Kurt was ″bent out of shape″ about it.
Kurt: ″Me? I'm fine.″
Burt: ″I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. And I have no idea what that song was about, but fine don't sing like you just sung.″
Okay, so I'm going to admit right now that I watched the rest of this scene through without pausing to type anything up, and by the end of it there were maybe a few tears. I was going to blame it on fatigue and the partial night-shift I worked, and not how awesome these two are, but who am I kidding? Holy crap, guys! *sniffle* Kurt & Burt Story Hour!
So this scene cannot be adequately summed up in this recap. It just can't. It must be watched and appreciated. But here's the best I can do while still looking for tissues.
Burt acknowledges that he may have gotten carried away with bonding with Finn and doing ″guy things″ and that ″this thing with Kurt,″ meaning Kurt's being gay (and yes, Kurt does call him on his discomfort with even saying the word gay), is a challenge for him to adjust to, and that he's working on it. ″Look, I will fight to the death for your right to love whoever you want, but when you were a little baby in my arms? Did I dream about taking you to baseball games and talking about girls? Yeah, I did. A lot of fathers do.″
Kurt doesn't know how to handle this admission and bitterly replies, ″I had no idea how disappointing I was.″
Burt manages to call Kurt on his defensive, dismissive reaction without taking away from the depth of this scene. He tells Kurt to stop playing the victim and talk to him, not walk away. Burt is trying to be honest with him, not hurtful, and to explain why he's maybe been reacting the way he has. Kurt, for his part, recognizes that he's not giving his dad a chance, and gives up flippant in favor of honest.
Burt: ″You know that's not what I mean!″
Kurt: ″I know. I'm sorry. I know you're working hard on yourself to make all this okay. Just seeing you, the way you are with Finn... How easy it is. Breaks my heart.″
So now I'm crying along with Kurt at this point, and Burt clues in to the fact that Kurt's change of clothing and behavior is related to his fear of losing his father. That Kurt is trying to change for Burt, too.
Kurt: ″I just want you to know that I'm going to work as hard as you to make this okay.″
Burt: ″You don't have to work at anything, Kurt. You're job is to be yourself. And my job is to love you, no matter what.″
And he's doing the eye contact thing, and not looking away or acting ashamed of having emotions, and I AM LOSING IT.
Kurt: ″I missed you, Dad.″
Burt: ″Oh, c'mere.″
They hug. Even Burt is getting choked up at this point. Of course this means there's no hope for me.
Burt: ″I love you.″
Kurt: ″I love you, too.″
Oh my god, guys. That scene makes this whole painful episode SO WORTH IT.
So Rachel goes back to visit Sean and thanks him, as well as offers him singing lessons. Her voice is back, and the actor that plays Sean does an excellent job with just a glance of saying how nice that is for her, and that it's too bad that Sean's spinal injury can't be solved by antibiotics and weird herbs. They sing U2's ″One″ as a duet. Oh god, is Rachel going to fall in love with Sean? Can she really juggle another guy?
The duet segues over to Finn & the glee club singing the song together on stage, then back to Rachel and Sean. Fin.
So my wish to hear solos from everyone in the club was not granted. I am in a forgiving mood, however, due to my still-sniffliness, so I'll be patient. Perhaps someday even Other Asian and Shaft will get the chance to sing. And I'd like more Tina too, please.
* * *
In other news, my Glee DVDs are already 2 days overdue at the library as of this recap and I still have 4 episodes to go. Eek. And I see that I have a 30% off coupon to Borders sitting in my inbox just calling to me. I cannot believe that I am considering buying this show, but I'm really beginning to believe that it's worth it for the Kurt & Burt Story Hour scenes alone. What to do, what to do...
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Date: 2011-07-14 09:13 pm (UTC)