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Gleecap: Bad Reputation (S1E17)
Fast Forward Count: 1 (but there were 2 more close-calls, narrowly avoided)
We open on the choir room where at least half of the glee club are watching a video on Kurt's laptop of someone flailing along to Olivia Newton-John's ″Physical″. Sue is the someone. Oh my god, guys. She is gonna murder you all messily. Apparently Kurt stole it when she made him go to her office to fetch her hormone replacement therapy injection. Finn wants to post the video online. Rachel is concerned, but Mercedes and Jesse are all for it. So Finn does.
Sue is walking down the hall and people are make references to the video. She becomes suspicious. And drags Will to Figgins' office to complain and blame the glee club. Will defends his kids. Sue also whips out a piece of paper. On it is a ″glist,″ a weekly ranking of the glee club members in terms of hotness as evidenced by sexual promiscuity. Each depraved act gets you a point. Or something.
The Glist:
1. Quinn (+45)
2. Santana (+43)
3. Puck (+38)
4. Brittany (+35)
5. Jesse (+29)
6. Finn (+19)
7. Mike (+11)
8. Matt (+5)
9. Rachel (-5)
So how does one go about getting into the negatives? Minus one point for every erection you kill or hookup you interrupt?
Apparently the list was made on a library computer using the passcode: glee club. Well, I suppose that narrows down the potentials to.... EVERYBODY. Come on, now. As if the rest f the school wouldn't want to get shit blamed on glee for fun. Not that I'm saying it won't be someone in Glee, because they are a bunch of twits too. I'm just making a point.
Anyways, Figgins will not allow this to continue and threatens the glee club if Will can't find the perpetrator so they can be expelled. Figgins even has the gall to say, "I cannot have an environment that sexualizes children and damages their self-esteem.″ Seriously, Figgins? Have you walked around your school lately? Here's a hint: McKinley High is where self-esteem goes to die.
Will confronts the kids about the transparent and sloppily-created plot point and they all blame Puck, who denies it. Will also wonders if it's Puck. Who denies it again. Ya know what, guys? If it weren't for Rachel's placement dead last and in negative numbers, I'd say this is the work of Creepy Jacob, the reporter kid.
Will tells the kids that between the glist and Sue's video, they are getting a bad reputation. Artie wonders if that's a bad thing, considering that is they were all thought of as badasses then maybe he'd get his glasses flushed down the toilet less often. Will tells them that becoming what they despise is not the answer. So his lesson-of-the-week is to rehabilitate a song that has a bad reputation. As an example, he sings ″Ice Ice Baby.″ I think Will's rapping might be giving me hives. Mike, Britt, Tina, and Puck's backup dancing is hilarious and wonderful though, so it's worth it. By the end of the song the entire club, sans Artie, winds up in a conga line of sorts. I don't even know.
The teacher's lounge: Sue is trying to talk herself out of thinking that everyone in the lounge is laughing at her in slow motion. Turns out that they are, though, and the humiliation is punctuated by meeting the new teacher in town, Brenda Castle. She's not allowed to teach in Indiana anymore because she's a drug-user who involved her students in her activities. And even she thinks Sue is an embarrassment.
Rachel wants to enlist the AV club in a plan. She begins to describe her plan to Artie who says that she had him at ″sex tape.″ Oh god.
So the glee club members who didn't even make it onto the list - Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina (let's call them The Drools) - are gathered together by Kurt, who has a dastardly plan to become badasses. In the library.
... Riiiiiiiiight.
Anyways, Kurt convinces them to go along with said plan and reclaim some notoriety within the school. I am positive that this will not end well. Then Artie notices that Brittany is also in the choir room and asks why. She apparently has a cold and took all her antibiotics at once (never minding that antibiotics aren't gonna do jack shit for a cold) and now doesn't remember how to leave. She's been there since first period. Wow. I reaaaaaaally love Heather Morris. Brittany is also upset that she only made 4th on the list, even though she made out with everyone in the school. Everyone? Really? Kurt recruits her too. The plan? Cause a ruckus in the library. Apparently the McKinley library is sacrosanct?
Sue is talking to her sister, Jean, about her current woes. She finally understand how painful it must have been for poor Jean to endure such cruelty in the past and wishes that she had done more to protect Jean. Jean reminds Sue about how, whenever she felt sad, they'd help out at the animal shelter because there's always someone who's got it worse than you do.
I suspect that Sue is not going to take this advice in the spirit in which it is intended.
Sue goes to Emma. She drops the Will-is-a-slut bomb (Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth) on her and undermines whatever bit of self-worth and dating confidence that Emma has managed to cobble together. And convinces Emma to go give Will a piece of her mind. In public.
Rachel tells Puck that, when they were dating, they garnered the nickname ″Puckleberry.″ *snort* Puck is wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask and I will not go into detail about how happy that makes me. Anyways, Rachel wants Puck to star in her bad reputation music video. They bond over their difficulties with appropriate social interaction and nearly kiss. Rachel pulls away, Puck tries to convince her. Rachel denies him again and Puck declines to be involved in her project, but she manages to convince him anyways.
Emma is about ready to either have a stroke or back out of confronting Will. In the teacher's lounge. Oh god, this is gonna be so, so bad, isn't it?
I feel the need to note that Emma's hair is adorable here. And that I only made it a couple of seconds into this scene before wussing out and hitting The Button. Fill me in on anything important that I missed, will you? My embarrassment squick is acting up.
Oh my god. Oh my god guys! The Drools are in the library and they're dressed in shiny MC Hammer pants and I AM WRITHING IN EXPECTED AGONY ALREADY! My finger is hovering over the button. It's time for.... ″Can't Touch This″ with Artie rapping, the rest dancing (Brittany and Tina are dancing on the desks) and the librarian giving them the horrified stink-eye. They put their boom box right on her desk. Why doesn't she just turn off the music?
They finish their performance and wait for the hammer to fall as the librarian gets out of her chair and walks around her desk... and tells them they were very cute. She's even going to talk to her pastor about getting them to perform for the Sunday service. Awwww.
Interrogation time! Will is speaking to the club individually, trying to find out who wrote the list. Let's start off with suspect number...
1. Finn – Apparently Finn has been angry lately and takes his frustrations out on innocent chairs. Oh teenage emotional compensation, I don't miss you at all. Too bad this attitude persists into adulthood too often. Anyways. Finn denies it.
2. Mercedes – Will thinks she still feels like an outsider on the squad and there are a lot of Cheerios on that list. Mercedes points out that she is not ″angry″ she is, in fact, ″sassy″ and he should learn the difference.
3. Artie – Artie points out that the list was posted at a height of 5 feet, which is out of his reach and therefore not his fault.
4. Tina – She doesn't even bother with denials, just shifts the blame back to Puck, who she saw putting it up.
5. Puck – Puck explains that he was moving the list, not putting it up. Someone had apparently placed the list directly on Rachel's locker and he was getting in touch with his inner Prince Charming to move it and do the right thing. He also points out that if he'd done it he sure as well wouldn't have only picked up a bronze hotness medal by putting himself in the third spot. He feels that he is clearly gold material.
6. Brittany – Doesn't know how to turn on a computer. 'Nuff said.
7. Quinn blames Rachel. The math makes sense to her: Quinn stole the guy Rachel's in love with (Finn), then Quinn stole the guy Rachel dated to get over the guy she's in love with (Puck), and Quinn's a bitch to her. Makes sense to me.
8. Kurt – Will loses his temper, slams his hand down on the desk, and yells about how they aren't leaving his office without some answers. Kurt, sporting his full-on Kurt Is Better Than You face, questions how many Law and Order reruns Will has been watching since his separation from his wife. Will's silence is answer enough. Kurt nods and sits back. ″Thought so. And no, I didn't make the glist.″ He punctuates the word ″glist″ with a wave of his fingers.
I enjoyed that.
The Drools are meeting again. Kurt informs them that their reputations are as squeaky-clean as ever. Artie tells them that they have to step it up and do something that is even more terrifying than Rachel's personality: they need to admit to Sue Sylvester that they were the ones to post the ″Physical″ video. Oh god, nice knowing you guys. Sort of.
Sue's office. She's writing in her journal, informing us that her video has surpassed 3 million hits and she isn't sure how much longer she can handle the humiliation. She wonders if this is some sort of karmic retribution, but that promising line of thought is swiftly derailed by a phone call. From Olivia Newton-John. Sue thinks it's a trick and slams the phone down. On Olivia Newton-John. (Who is perhaps a bit full of herself here, but whatever.)
Anyways, Sue tells her journal that she has decided she must start playing nice full time. Yay! I have my doubts, however, which are swiftly confirmed by another phone call. From Olivia Newton-John. Who is completely full of herself. Sue is in awe when ONJ proves her identity by singing a few lines of ″Physical″ to her. ONJ drops a few more fun facts about how amazing she is while questioning Sue about her ″Physical″ video, apparently of the opinion that her original music video of the song was poorly conceived and contained too many chubby people in spandex, or something. Apparently Sue's video gave ONJ a few ideas, and she wants Sue to be a part of it. DUN DUN DUUUN!
Will's walking down the hall. People are smirking and pointing. Sue calls him a man-whore. Astronomy teacher and badminton coach Ms. Castle hits on him. Even Figgins and Ken call him out. And Sue walks by again to call him a slut. Awww, poor Will. Taking such abuse and he didn't even get to sleep with any of the women he's accused of being with. Unless he did and it was revealed during the teacher's room throw down that I skipped due to self-preservation.
The hallway. Artie is giving Kurt a pep talk. ″Remember, if Sylvester hits you in the face after you cop to posting the video, don't scream like a woman.″ Mercedes tells him he's brave for taking this plunge for them. Kurt looks wide eyed and ready to puke. It is hilarious. Kurt confronts Sue and admits to stealing the video from her syringe-and-pill-drawer (omg, guys. *facepalm* ) They are ready to accept whatever punishment Sue deems appropriate. Knowing Sue, Kurt, I can assure you that is will be anything BUT appropriate.
″So it was you,″ Sue tells him. ″I can't thank you enough.″ Kurt somehow looks even more horrified and scared. I love Chris Colfer's facial expressions. Can we get more Kurt & Sue scenes? They can have a facial expression-off.
The Drools are researching how they can possibly still be among the living. They discover a new Sue Sylvester ″Physical″ video, complete with ripped bodies working out and a duet with Olivia Newton-John. The real one. Sue and ONJ are even wearing complementary track suits/workout outfits. ONJ and Sue are totally song-flirting in this video. And groping their video eye-candy.
The Drools are entranced and watch it again.
Will tells the club that if a new list is posted then the issue is out of his hands and entirely in Figgins'. Finn tells Will that whoever put up the list isn't going to cop to it, so they should all just bend over and take whatever is coming to them. Nice, Finn.
It's Rachel's turn to share her ″bad reputation″ video: "Run Joey Run". True to form, she feels the need to provide us with a patronizing introduction to it. The vid starts off with Santana and Brittany crooning then cuts to Rachel's opening song-and-strut down a fog-machine-filled hallway. And then wife-beater-clad Puck looking ripped and hot starts to sing, too. Jesse and Quinn looked shocked and/or pissed at their partners.
I feel the need to point out here (it's at the Rachel-Puck split-screen part) that Puck sounds pretty damn good, but he is completely overemoting in a hilarious way.
Anyways, the video continues and Finn looks confused and Puck is breathing hard. Hahahaha. Not going there. And then we cut to a scene where Jesse is playing the part of Rachel's fella. Okay. HAHAHAHAHA! Did Rachel trick all of the Glee guys into being in her video-harem? And who is playing the father in this vid? Is that Sandy Ryerson? AND THEN FINN IS IN THE VIDEO AS THE BOYFRIEND TOO!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! No wonder all the guys are looking so confusing. This is not the video they starred in... at least not quite. Oh Rachel. You amaze me. Jesse looks ticked again. Rachel looks like she's vicariously living the vid again. Puck is shaking his head in fury. Ooooh. Rach, those bruises on your vid face may become real. And then we cut to the video's scene intermingling all three ″Joeys″ stalking angrily down the fog-machined hallway. Hmmm, I have to say I like Finn's stalking here best.
And of course Rachel has a totally ridiculous ″fin″ to her video. I like angel Santana and Brittany though.
Puck, Jesse, and Finn all call Rachel out on her shenanigans. Rightly so, I might add. Finn is apparently having an ″on″ day because he susses out Rachel's plot accurately and calls her on it. Oh Finn, you have these moments of brightness... why can't you up your game all the time? He asks Rachel how she could have done that to them and wonders if her reputation is more important than her relationships.
That is an excellent point, Finn, however I would like to point out... YOU ARE A TOTAL HYPOCRITE!!!!!!
Jean's room. Sue is catching Jean up on all the exciting changes in her life and they are adorable. Sue says that there is only one person she wants to impress: Jean. And Sue is giving her share of the profits to Jean's nursing home. Apparently it won't be much, though, since ONJ totally screwed Sue over in negotiations.
Omg, guuuuuuuys. Are Sue and Jean scenes going to become the new Kurt&Burt Story Hour? *melts* Yes, I know. I am sooo easy.
Will gives Emma flowers and apologizes. Emma tells him that it isn't going to be that easy, no matter what the ″relationship script″ says she's supposed to say. Stay strong, Emma!
As Will walks out of Emma's office, he sees Quinn at her lock and watches her creepily. I was about to get gaggy, but then we find out he hasn't switched on his pedo-button, he's figured out who is behind the glist. He's finally seen what it's like to lose a good reputation and go from being on top to being at the bottom. Just like Quinn after the pregnancy scandal. He realizes that somehow Quinn has the most to gain from the glist. I don't see how, but whatever.
Will tells her not to feel bad – she's going to give her baby to a family that will really love it and then get her mojo back and do great things.
…
So apparently Quinn is still giving up her baby and Will just told her that her misery will end once she dumps the kid and that she'll only do great things after she gives the kid away. I... what? I find this entire scene very disturbing.
Figgins walks in for the outcome of Will's investigation, and Will doesn't rat out Quinn. He tells Figgins that the club banded together and wouldn't reveal the perpetrator. He also tells Figgins that since the glists have stopped, they should take that as a win and move on. Figgins takes in Quinn's tear-streaked face and agrees. I suspect he knows exactly what's going on. Quinn thanks Will softly after Figgins walks away.
Jesse confronts Rachel. Apparently before transferring to McKinley to make her his girlfriend (yeah, right smarmster, whatever) he asked around about her. Most people didn't know who she was. Those that did said that she was annoying, but trustworthy. Apparently not anymore. Rachel acknowledges that her pathological needs for popularity clouds her judgment sometimes but asks him, as a fellow star in the making, to understand that.
He agrees that he does on one level, but in terms of their relationship? He thinks it was shitty. And says he can't live with that. Rachel sees where this is going and tells him she knew he'd break her heart. Oh you sneaky, manipulative bitch. Don't you turn this on him! Even if he is a conniving, lying, traitor-to-be (I am still convinced that he is up to something!), you were the one who set this whole thing up. Jesse apparently agrees with me because he tells Rachel that she broke his heart first. Rachel is speechless. And apparently they are in ballet club together. What?
And now it's time for ″Total Eclipse of the Heart″ sung primarily by Rachel and her stone-faced dream-harem. And we cut to a ballet dream sequence? I don't know, but I'm a totally sucker for dance movies, so...
Whatever, against my will I have to admit that they sounds pretty good, too. Even Jesse. Dammit.
And as Rachel finishes the song with Jesse, the entire glee club leaves the room, leaving Rachel alone. It's pretty sad, actually.
We open on the choir room where at least half of the glee club are watching a video on Kurt's laptop of someone flailing along to Olivia Newton-John's ″Physical″. Sue is the someone. Oh my god, guys. She is gonna murder you all messily. Apparently Kurt stole it when she made him go to her office to fetch her hormone replacement therapy injection. Finn wants to post the video online. Rachel is concerned, but Mercedes and Jesse are all for it. So Finn does.
Sue is walking down the hall and people are make references to the video. She becomes suspicious. And drags Will to Figgins' office to complain and blame the glee club. Will defends his kids. Sue also whips out a piece of paper. On it is a ″glist,″ a weekly ranking of the glee club members in terms of hotness as evidenced by sexual promiscuity. Each depraved act gets you a point. Or something.
The Glist:
1. Quinn (+45)
2. Santana (+43)
3. Puck (+38)
4. Brittany (+35)
5. Jesse (+29)
6. Finn (+19)
7. Mike (+11)
8. Matt (+5)
9. Rachel (-5)
So how does one go about getting into the negatives? Minus one point for every erection you kill or hookup you interrupt?
Apparently the list was made on a library computer using the passcode: glee club. Well, I suppose that narrows down the potentials to.... EVERYBODY. Come on, now. As if the rest f the school wouldn't want to get shit blamed on glee for fun. Not that I'm saying it won't be someone in Glee, because they are a bunch of twits too. I'm just making a point.
Anyways, Figgins will not allow this to continue and threatens the glee club if Will can't find the perpetrator so they can be expelled. Figgins even has the gall to say, "I cannot have an environment that sexualizes children and damages their self-esteem.″ Seriously, Figgins? Have you walked around your school lately? Here's a hint: McKinley High is where self-esteem goes to die.
Will confronts the kids about the transparent and sloppily-created plot point and they all blame Puck, who denies it. Will also wonders if it's Puck. Who denies it again. Ya know what, guys? If it weren't for Rachel's placement dead last and in negative numbers, I'd say this is the work of Creepy Jacob, the reporter kid.
Will tells the kids that between the glist and Sue's video, they are getting a bad reputation. Artie wonders if that's a bad thing, considering that is they were all thought of as badasses then maybe he'd get his glasses flushed down the toilet less often. Will tells them that becoming what they despise is not the answer. So his lesson-of-the-week is to rehabilitate a song that has a bad reputation. As an example, he sings ″Ice Ice Baby.″ I think Will's rapping might be giving me hives. Mike, Britt, Tina, and Puck's backup dancing is hilarious and wonderful though, so it's worth it. By the end of the song the entire club, sans Artie, winds up in a conga line of sorts. I don't even know.
The teacher's lounge: Sue is trying to talk herself out of thinking that everyone in the lounge is laughing at her in slow motion. Turns out that they are, though, and the humiliation is punctuated by meeting the new teacher in town, Brenda Castle. She's not allowed to teach in Indiana anymore because she's a drug-user who involved her students in her activities. And even she thinks Sue is an embarrassment.
Rachel wants to enlist the AV club in a plan. She begins to describe her plan to Artie who says that she had him at ″sex tape.″ Oh god.
So the glee club members who didn't even make it onto the list - Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina (let's call them The Drools) - are gathered together by Kurt, who has a dastardly plan to become badasses. In the library.
... Riiiiiiiiight.
Anyways, Kurt convinces them to go along with said plan and reclaim some notoriety within the school. I am positive that this will not end well. Then Artie notices that Brittany is also in the choir room and asks why. She apparently has a cold and took all her antibiotics at once (never minding that antibiotics aren't gonna do jack shit for a cold) and now doesn't remember how to leave. She's been there since first period. Wow. I reaaaaaaally love Heather Morris. Brittany is also upset that she only made 4th on the list, even though she made out with everyone in the school. Everyone? Really? Kurt recruits her too. The plan? Cause a ruckus in the library. Apparently the McKinley library is sacrosanct?
Sue is talking to her sister, Jean, about her current woes. She finally understand how painful it must have been for poor Jean to endure such cruelty in the past and wishes that she had done more to protect Jean. Jean reminds Sue about how, whenever she felt sad, they'd help out at the animal shelter because there's always someone who's got it worse than you do.
I suspect that Sue is not going to take this advice in the spirit in which it is intended.
Sue goes to Emma. She drops the Will-is-a-slut bomb (Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth) on her and undermines whatever bit of self-worth and dating confidence that Emma has managed to cobble together. And convinces Emma to go give Will a piece of her mind. In public.
Rachel tells Puck that, when they were dating, they garnered the nickname ″Puckleberry.″ *snort* Puck is wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask and I will not go into detail about how happy that makes me. Anyways, Rachel wants Puck to star in her bad reputation music video. They bond over their difficulties with appropriate social interaction and nearly kiss. Rachel pulls away, Puck tries to convince her. Rachel denies him again and Puck declines to be involved in her project, but she manages to convince him anyways.
Emma is about ready to either have a stroke or back out of confronting Will. In the teacher's lounge. Oh god, this is gonna be so, so bad, isn't it?
I feel the need to note that Emma's hair is adorable here. And that I only made it a couple of seconds into this scene before wussing out and hitting The Button. Fill me in on anything important that I missed, will you? My embarrassment squick is acting up.
Oh my god. Oh my god guys! The Drools are in the library and they're dressed in shiny MC Hammer pants and I AM WRITHING IN EXPECTED AGONY ALREADY! My finger is hovering over the button. It's time for.... ″Can't Touch This″ with Artie rapping, the rest dancing (Brittany and Tina are dancing on the desks) and the librarian giving them the horrified stink-eye. They put their boom box right on her desk. Why doesn't she just turn off the music?
They finish their performance and wait for the hammer to fall as the librarian gets out of her chair and walks around her desk... and tells them they were very cute. She's even going to talk to her pastor about getting them to perform for the Sunday service. Awwww.
Interrogation time! Will is speaking to the club individually, trying to find out who wrote the list. Let's start off with suspect number...
1. Finn – Apparently Finn has been angry lately and takes his frustrations out on innocent chairs. Oh teenage emotional compensation, I don't miss you at all. Too bad this attitude persists into adulthood too often. Anyways. Finn denies it.
2. Mercedes – Will thinks she still feels like an outsider on the squad and there are a lot of Cheerios on that list. Mercedes points out that she is not ″angry″ she is, in fact, ″sassy″ and he should learn the difference.
3. Artie – Artie points out that the list was posted at a height of 5 feet, which is out of his reach and therefore not his fault.
4. Tina – She doesn't even bother with denials, just shifts the blame back to Puck, who she saw putting it up.
5. Puck – Puck explains that he was moving the list, not putting it up. Someone had apparently placed the list directly on Rachel's locker and he was getting in touch with his inner Prince Charming to move it and do the right thing. He also points out that if he'd done it he sure as well wouldn't have only picked up a bronze hotness medal by putting himself in the third spot. He feels that he is clearly gold material.
6. Brittany – Doesn't know how to turn on a computer. 'Nuff said.
7. Quinn blames Rachel. The math makes sense to her: Quinn stole the guy Rachel's in love with (Finn), then Quinn stole the guy Rachel dated to get over the guy she's in love with (Puck), and Quinn's a bitch to her. Makes sense to me.
8. Kurt – Will loses his temper, slams his hand down on the desk, and yells about how they aren't leaving his office without some answers. Kurt, sporting his full-on Kurt Is Better Than You face, questions how many Law and Order reruns Will has been watching since his separation from his wife. Will's silence is answer enough. Kurt nods and sits back. ″Thought so. And no, I didn't make the glist.″ He punctuates the word ″glist″ with a wave of his fingers.
I enjoyed that.
The Drools are meeting again. Kurt informs them that their reputations are as squeaky-clean as ever. Artie tells them that they have to step it up and do something that is even more terrifying than Rachel's personality: they need to admit to Sue Sylvester that they were the ones to post the ″Physical″ video. Oh god, nice knowing you guys. Sort of.
Sue's office. She's writing in her journal, informing us that her video has surpassed 3 million hits and she isn't sure how much longer she can handle the humiliation. She wonders if this is some sort of karmic retribution, but that promising line of thought is swiftly derailed by a phone call. From Olivia Newton-John. Sue thinks it's a trick and slams the phone down. On Olivia Newton-John. (Who is perhaps a bit full of herself here, but whatever.)
Anyways, Sue tells her journal that she has decided she must start playing nice full time. Yay! I have my doubts, however, which are swiftly confirmed by another phone call. From Olivia Newton-John. Who is completely full of herself. Sue is in awe when ONJ proves her identity by singing a few lines of ″Physical″ to her. ONJ drops a few more fun facts about how amazing she is while questioning Sue about her ″Physical″ video, apparently of the opinion that her original music video of the song was poorly conceived and contained too many chubby people in spandex, or something. Apparently Sue's video gave ONJ a few ideas, and she wants Sue to be a part of it. DUN DUN DUUUN!
Will's walking down the hall. People are smirking and pointing. Sue calls him a man-whore. Astronomy teacher and badminton coach Ms. Castle hits on him. Even Figgins and Ken call him out. And Sue walks by again to call him a slut. Awww, poor Will. Taking such abuse and he didn't even get to sleep with any of the women he's accused of being with. Unless he did and it was revealed during the teacher's room throw down that I skipped due to self-preservation.
The hallway. Artie is giving Kurt a pep talk. ″Remember, if Sylvester hits you in the face after you cop to posting the video, don't scream like a woman.″ Mercedes tells him he's brave for taking this plunge for them. Kurt looks wide eyed and ready to puke. It is hilarious. Kurt confronts Sue and admits to stealing the video from her syringe-and-pill-drawer (omg, guys. *facepalm* ) They are ready to accept whatever punishment Sue deems appropriate. Knowing Sue, Kurt, I can assure you that is will be anything BUT appropriate.
″So it was you,″ Sue tells him. ″I can't thank you enough.″ Kurt somehow looks even more horrified and scared. I love Chris Colfer's facial expressions. Can we get more Kurt & Sue scenes? They can have a facial expression-off.
The Drools are researching how they can possibly still be among the living. They discover a new Sue Sylvester ″Physical″ video, complete with ripped bodies working out and a duet with Olivia Newton-John. The real one. Sue and ONJ are even wearing complementary track suits/workout outfits. ONJ and Sue are totally song-flirting in this video. And groping their video eye-candy.
The Drools are entranced and watch it again.
Will tells the club that if a new list is posted then the issue is out of his hands and entirely in Figgins'. Finn tells Will that whoever put up the list isn't going to cop to it, so they should all just bend over and take whatever is coming to them. Nice, Finn.
It's Rachel's turn to share her ″bad reputation″ video: "Run Joey Run". True to form, she feels the need to provide us with a patronizing introduction to it. The vid starts off with Santana and Brittany crooning then cuts to Rachel's opening song-and-strut down a fog-machine-filled hallway. And then wife-beater-clad Puck looking ripped and hot starts to sing, too. Jesse and Quinn looked shocked and/or pissed at their partners.
I feel the need to point out here (it's at the Rachel-Puck split-screen part) that Puck sounds pretty damn good, but he is completely overemoting in a hilarious way.
Anyways, the video continues and Finn looks confused and Puck is breathing hard. Hahahaha. Not going there. And then we cut to a scene where Jesse is playing the part of Rachel's fella. Okay. HAHAHAHAHA! Did Rachel trick all of the Glee guys into being in her video-harem? And who is playing the father in this vid? Is that Sandy Ryerson? AND THEN FINN IS IN THE VIDEO AS THE BOYFRIEND TOO!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! No wonder all the guys are looking so confusing. This is not the video they starred in... at least not quite. Oh Rachel. You amaze me. Jesse looks ticked again. Rachel looks like she's vicariously living the vid again. Puck is shaking his head in fury. Ooooh. Rach, those bruises on your vid face may become real. And then we cut to the video's scene intermingling all three ″Joeys″ stalking angrily down the fog-machined hallway. Hmmm, I have to say I like Finn's stalking here best.
And of course Rachel has a totally ridiculous ″fin″ to her video. I like angel Santana and Brittany though.
Puck, Jesse, and Finn all call Rachel out on her shenanigans. Rightly so, I might add. Finn is apparently having an ″on″ day because he susses out Rachel's plot accurately and calls her on it. Oh Finn, you have these moments of brightness... why can't you up your game all the time? He asks Rachel how she could have done that to them and wonders if her reputation is more important than her relationships.
That is an excellent point, Finn, however I would like to point out... YOU ARE A TOTAL HYPOCRITE!!!!!!
Jean's room. Sue is catching Jean up on all the exciting changes in her life and they are adorable. Sue says that there is only one person she wants to impress: Jean. And Sue is giving her share of the profits to Jean's nursing home. Apparently it won't be much, though, since ONJ totally screwed Sue over in negotiations.
Omg, guuuuuuuys. Are Sue and Jean scenes going to become the new Kurt&Burt Story Hour? *melts* Yes, I know. I am sooo easy.
Will gives Emma flowers and apologizes. Emma tells him that it isn't going to be that easy, no matter what the ″relationship script″ says she's supposed to say. Stay strong, Emma!
As Will walks out of Emma's office, he sees Quinn at her lock and watches her creepily. I was about to get gaggy, but then we find out he hasn't switched on his pedo-button, he's figured out who is behind the glist. He's finally seen what it's like to lose a good reputation and go from being on top to being at the bottom. Just like Quinn after the pregnancy scandal. He realizes that somehow Quinn has the most to gain from the glist. I don't see how, but whatever.
Will tells her not to feel bad – she's going to give her baby to a family that will really love it and then get her mojo back and do great things.
…
So apparently Quinn is still giving up her baby and Will just told her that her misery will end once she dumps the kid and that she'll only do great things after she gives the kid away. I... what? I find this entire scene very disturbing.
Figgins walks in for the outcome of Will's investigation, and Will doesn't rat out Quinn. He tells Figgins that the club banded together and wouldn't reveal the perpetrator. He also tells Figgins that since the glists have stopped, they should take that as a win and move on. Figgins takes in Quinn's tear-streaked face and agrees. I suspect he knows exactly what's going on. Quinn thanks Will softly after Figgins walks away.
Jesse confronts Rachel. Apparently before transferring to McKinley to make her his girlfriend (yeah, right smarmster, whatever) he asked around about her. Most people didn't know who she was. Those that did said that she was annoying, but trustworthy. Apparently not anymore. Rachel acknowledges that her pathological needs for popularity clouds her judgment sometimes but asks him, as a fellow star in the making, to understand that.
He agrees that he does on one level, but in terms of their relationship? He thinks it was shitty. And says he can't live with that. Rachel sees where this is going and tells him she knew he'd break her heart. Oh you sneaky, manipulative bitch. Don't you turn this on him! Even if he is a conniving, lying, traitor-to-be (I am still convinced that he is up to something!), you were the one who set this whole thing up. Jesse apparently agrees with me because he tells Rachel that she broke his heart first. Rachel is speechless. And apparently they are in ballet club together. What?
And now it's time for ″Total Eclipse of the Heart″ sung primarily by Rachel and her stone-faced dream-harem. And we cut to a ballet dream sequence? I don't know, but I'm a totally sucker for dance movies, so...
Whatever, against my will I have to admit that they sounds pretty good, too. Even Jesse. Dammit.
And as Rachel finishes the song with Jesse, the entire glee club leaves the room, leaving Rachel alone. It's pretty sad, actually.