![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Gleecap: Hell-o (S1E14)
And we're back!
Fast Forward Count: 0
I warn you, this recap has been super-sized. I know not why.
Whoa there. The start-of-show recap suggests that the only people tuning in now who don't know what's going on are those who live in a cave or were just released from prison. Nice. I wonder what that says about me, tuning in 2 seasons late? Long space voyage? Also? That was a terrible recap that doesn't actually explain anything at all. Nice job.
Rachel, Mercedes, and Kurt walk down the hallway, still floating on the high of their Sectionals win. Clearly they are the cool kids of the school now, for sure. Or perhaps not. Asshole Karofsky and his homies slushie all three of them. We've apparently switched to a blue flavor now. And Kurt seems extremely tall. Is he in heels? Or have I just not noticed because Finn is the jolly green screentime-stealing giant?
Will and Figgins are talking. For whatever reason, Will seems to think that he and Glee have proven themselves and shouldn't be held to Figgins' original deal of a Regionals win or shutdown of Glee. Figgins and his electricity bill apparently feel otherwise. As does.... SUE SYLVESTER IS IN THE BUILDING! WITH COFFEE!! TAKE COVER!!! Figgins' pained expression is understated yet effective.
Oh my god. Sue Sylvester just informed theworld room that she and Figgins are getting jiggy with it and using whipped cream in their... activities and blows creepily into his ear. I'm gonna let that sink in for a moment. *shudder*
Hmmm. I wonder if this spawned any fanfic? Links? Buehler?
And Figgins drop the obvious-at-this-point bomb of Sue's reinstatement on Will.
Apparently the entire football team is also the entire basketball team. And Finn is too busy being depressed and voiceovering to pay attention to the game. Rachel and her bright blue ″Team Finn″ t-shirt aren't helping either, I suppose. Rachel is the type to waltz around in a ″Team Edward″ shirt and fake sparkles, isn't she? Whatever. Looks like the McKinley High basketball team is just as awesomely bad as their football team. (Apparently the football team only won that one game. I guess ″Single Ladies″ was only a one-hit-wonder for them. Damn. And they had so many other Beyonce hits to choose from, too. Waste of opportunity, boys.)
And apparently Finn and Rachel are dating now? Or at least Rachel has decided that they are dating and Finn doesn't have the energy or stones to argue with the force of nature that is Rachel Berry. He would prefer to just allow himself to be swept up in her whirlwind of chatter and kitty calendars. She made him said calendar so he can have help remembering all of their dates that he's been ″forgetting″. He apparently finds listening to her even more difficult now that they are ″sort of″ dating. Don't worry, Finn. I stopped listening to her after the turkey-baster comment from episode 1. And Finn comes right out and admits that he isn't over Quinn.
Quinn, meanwhile, is getting a ″talking-to″ from Puck about her weight gain, referred to by said Romeo as ″super-sizing.″
P: ″I don't dig on fat chicks.″
Q: ″I'm pregnant!″
P: ″And that's my fault?″
*facepalm* You are dating this dreamsicle, Quinn? Didn't he get you drunk and then have sex with you when your were too inebriated to give consent? What?!?
Whatever, I know from my 2nd season dabbling (that started me on this whole mess in the first place – Damn you ″Original Song″ and ″Born This Way!″) that Puck and Zizes hook up, so STFU, Puck.
Couch Ken, apparently the basketball coach as well as the football coach, is pretty bummed about the loss of Emma. According to Finn's VO he's put on 40 pounds and stopped showering and is filling up our screen with a giant sandwich and forlorn expression. Awww. Poor Ken.
Finn VO moans that he is off his game and doesn't know how to get back on. I'm not sure you ever were on, Finn. I wouldn't worry about it. For whatever reason you've got hot girls mooning over you anyways. And apparently, despite his height, Finn, like me, sucks at basketball. Yay Glee – break down those stereotypes!
Sue cuts off some poor boy's ponytail and questions his gender-identity in the middle of the hallway and then hands the hunk of hair to a passing cheerleader. Watch out, McKinley, testicles are sure to be next. And then Will flags her down. Look out, Will, you're in the line of fire. Will is curious how Sue get her job back.
Oh, Sue. You're just so Sue. Sue took Figgins out to dinner (he tucks his napkin into his collar just like my grandma made me do when I was five) and drugs him. He wakes up in bed, naked from at least the chest up, next to Sue Sylvester who takes their picture, threatening to reveal the proof of their tawdry affair to Figgins' wife and church. Of note, Sue is in bed still wearing her usual Sueniform of a track suit.
***Special Feature***
Time for a vote: waking up in bed next to a devious Sue Sylvester - better or worse than waking up next to a decapitated horse's head?
******
This show is big on turning intoxication and rape into a joke, isn't it? *sigh* Okay, I'm just going to continue to tell myself that this show builds itself upon a basis of being outrageous and move along.
Anyways, Will tries to extend an olive branch and Sue confirms my previous suspicions by threatening to cut off and bury his family jewels. Damn. I think I've managed to pick up some of Rachel'spsychosis psychic abilities. Sue calls for a full-scale war, insults Will's metrosexual hairstyling, and walks away with a smirk.
Will is the type of teacher that greets the class and expects a cheery ″hello″ to be chirped back at him in unison. Ugh. And then asks the kids how they answer the phone. Kurt, with a weary expression, replies ″No, she's dead. This is her son.″ Oh Kurt.
Will goes on to give them a mini history-lesson-cum-pep-talk about needing to be amazing at Regionals to improve their day-to-day lives. Rachel laments her slushie-stained training bra (har har). You sure those were slushie stains, Rach? I hear Finn has a bit of a problem...
Come to think of it, I need to go check the mail.
So Will gives them their challenge of the week – give a performance of a song with the word ″hello″ in the song title. Will's a fan of themes, isn't he?
Cut to Will and Emma staring moonily at each other. Emma has apparently not quit her job after all. Emma looks lovely, incidentally. Will monologues about how, if he wanted to, he could lean over and kiss Emma right there. You know, if it weren't for the desk between them. And the fact that they are at work. And that Emma's office has glass walls. Oh, so apparently they are a ″thing″ now? Did we finally follow-through on this story line? That happened faster than I'd expected.
(Also, it just occurred to me, a billion episodes late, I admit. Why the hell does the guidance counselor have an office with glass walls? No one in McKinley ever has any desire for privacy, I guess? No need to discuss sensitive topics without broadcasting to the world?)
Sue's grand plan? Get Santana and Brittany (oh you little snots!) to woo/seduce Finn and drive Rachel crazy to the point of quitting Glee in shame. That... could possibly work. Nice job, Sue. What's in it for rat-finks Britt and Santana? The head-cheerleader position. Careful, girls. Think about how much loyalty Sue had to the now-maligned Quinn Fabray.
And now Will and Finn are bonding over their not-baby-daddy drama. And Finn sings ″Hello″ and it's actually a decent song for his voice, I guess. As he's singing, we see shots of his dream-sequence life: basketball champion, fawned over and groped by the cheerleading squad, and confidently strutting down the hall. And also scenes of him performing in front of the glee club? So is this a dream sequence? Maybe part dream part real? Hmmm, in one of the glee shots we see him sex-strut up to Tina and sing to her while Kurt eyes him with lust and breathes heavily. Oh god, are we not over this yet? When can we dangle Darren Criss in front of the poor love-starved boy?
Oh sit down, Rachel, you spotlight-stealing egomaniac. Argh. She is so unbearably self-satisfied in this episode that I know it's all going to come crashing down around her in a painful and humiliating manner and I am gritting my teeth in sympathy already. I've got the fast-forward button poised, y'all.
And apparently Operation: Seduce Finn is a go, people. Britt and Santana approach him and begin to simper. Finn and his cocky little grin are total suckers. They make a date and Finn is pleased. Right up until Rachel catches him talking to the Terror Twins and calls him on it. He lies, badly, of course. Rachel reveals yet another startling level of self-awareness, and also tells Finn that she'll always be honest with him, requesting the same from him. Finn takes her at face-value and tells her he doesn't want to be her boyfriend, breaking up with her (inasmuch as one can break up with someone they didn't really know if they were dating). I suspect that Rachel is reassessing her desire for absolute relationship honesty. She calls him on his crap, apparently accurately by his reaction, and walks off in tears.
Glee Club. It's Rachel's turn to sing. ″Gives you Hell″ sung really obviously and uncomfortably directly to Finn and the Terror Twins. The entire Glee club, sans Finn, jumps up and backs her up. It's a bit awesome once I get past the initial this-could-be-horrifyingly-embarrassing factor. I think it's the fact that this is an ensemble piece rather than a ballady-overshare number that saves me from having to employ The Button.
Of Note: Other Asian Mike is a dancin' fool and Kurt likes plaid.
Will is unamused by Rachel's apparent spelling failure and attempts to put the fear of Glee into the kids. Dude is a total buzz kill, isn't he?
Rachel takes it upon herself to head to the library and look up Lionel Richie sheet music conveniently stored on the top of a centrally-located bookshelf. There, she meets Jesse St. James, member of Vocal Adrenaline, the show choir group from episode whatever that is apparently amazing and godlike and cannot be beat. He insults Rachel's Sectionals performance but notes that she is talented. As in previous episodes, Rachel makes the bad life choice of allowing herself to be charmed.
Guess what guys! The University of California, Los Angeles is in Los Angeles! Wow, Jesse. Good thing you've got looks and talent to rely on, huh?
So apparently there is a piano in this library? I guess I missed something and should rewind, huh? So by the presence of people with instruments that I missed earlier, I'm guessing this is either a really lenient music library or a music store. Jesse woos Rachel with Richie's ″Hello″ with Rachel joining him in a duet. I wasn't buying it until she joined him, actually, but I'm a total sucker for harmony (I really suck at harmonizing, for realz, guys) so it's nice enough. Not buying it off iTunes, though. Apparently their store/library audience disagrees because they clap. Jesse wants to get together with Rachel again.
I can tell you right now that he is a spy who wants to undermine the Glee club and cannot be trusted. My only point of doubt is whether Sue Sylvester put him up to it or not. I am also pretty sure Rachel and her broken heart are going to fall for it. Where is Kurt and his disdain-for-everyone's-bullshit-but-his-own when you need him?
Britt and Santana are out at a restaurant together and hassling the waitstaff. Santana's name has a couple extra, unnecessary letters in it, it turns out. Yes, that was a Satan joke. Deal. They begin debating the hotness ratings of various guys in school and trashing Rachel. We discover that they are doing this right in front of Finn, telling him that his participation in this date is limited to paying for the food and watching them make out, and dammit, he should be grateful for the honor.
With the stunning example of steadfastness and self-respect that Finn is, I can kinda see what sent Quinn running into the welcomingnipple rings arms of Puck.
No not, really. I just wanted to make the nipple ring crack. And we end the scene with this little gem from Brittany: ″Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?″
Will and Emma are on their date. Slow-dancing and flirting leads to horizontal couch-kissing when Emma puts on the breaks and informs Will that she's a little overwhelmed by how fast they are moving, informing him that she is, in fact, a virgin. Will is not entirely entranced with this news, worrying Emma, but recovers and they decide to watch a movie instead. A movie with guns and explosions.
Finn, having received his wake-up call-dinner tries to make up with Rachel (badly, I might add), and she gets the very-satisfying pleasure of telling him he's too late and she's already replaced him. Finn immediately wants to whip it out and measure with this new guy of Rachel's. Oh Finn. Interestingly, upon discovering the identity of Rachel's new man, Finn immediately clues in to the potential conflict of interest that might be occurring here. And we thought he was the dumb one.
(AND WHY IS EVERYONE FALLING IN EVERLASTING LOVE EVERY THREE SECONDS IN THIS SHOW? ARRRRRRRRRRGH!)
Sue's office. Satan and Britt are doing balance ball push-ups while being chewed out by Sue. I had to rewind to appreciate the Sarah Palin joke used here since it's tossed off so casually I didn't hear it the first time. Sue is ″engorged with venom.″ I am slightly nauseated at the imagery.
Time to watch the rival Vocal Adrenaline's performance of ″Highway to Hell″ that Jesse St. James annoyingly screeches at us while flames burn behind them. Maybe he'll catch on fire and my worries will be assuaged?
OH MY GOD IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS????? HI IDINA!
Oh my god is she hitting on Will? SHE IS! THEY ARE SUCKING FACE! Will is making disturbing sounds that make me think he needs to take a page from Finn's book and think of the mail. Idina, meanwhile, is still talking about her choir kids. This time Will calls a halt to the proceedings, inspiring Idina to question his sexuality, noting that most of the show choir directors she makes out with are gay.
Later, Will asks the self-proclaimed workaholic with no social life Idina for dating advice. She actually gives him some decent thoughts to ponder and slips him her number for later when he has his head on straight. Heh. Straight.
The next day, some of the Glee clubbers share with Rachel their concerns over her love life.
Mercedes: ″Look, we're not saying that dude is playing you-″
Kurt: ″He's playing you.″
Oh Kurt, I missed you. And get that hideous thing off your neck.
Wow, I did not expect the club, via Kurt, to give Rachel a break-up-with-Jesse ultimatum. Cold, man. Cold. And also difficult to believe they'd actually follow through on it.
Rachel reminds me of Idina Menzel a lot. Like, the actual Idina Menzel.
Sue calls Rachel in to see her. Rachel is dumb enough to obey without hiring bodyguards and a psychotherapist first. There is apparently a McKinley High Old Maids Club. And Zizes is in it. I find this difficult to believe. Did Sue hire these people? Turns out she did, or something like that. Wow, more scrotum jokes in the form of Zizes' tale of star-crossed wrestling team sweethearts. Ouch. And then Sue grinds her sneaker-clad heel directly onto Rachel's bundle of insecurities.
Emma-Terri throw down! Terri effectively undermines Emma's already-flagging confidence and spirits. When are Sue and Terri going to team up? They'd be the unbeatable evil team of evil.
Rachel goes to Jesse to find out if he's truly into her and to warn him of her eternal emotional stunting if it turns out he's playing her. His response? ″You're more of a drama-queen than I am.″ Hmm, maybe they are made for each other. They agree to have a secrettorrid lukewarm affair. As he continues to charm and then kiss Rachel, Jesse confirms my earlier suspicions with a significant glance offstage towards his choir director, Idina Menzel. (I'm sure she has an actual character name in this show, but fuck it, she's Idina.)
Emma confronts Will about their relationship, pretty much giving him the same advice that Idina did earlier. And thus another relationship bites the dust within the space of an episode.
Rachel tells Finn that she broke it off with Jesse, expecting him to spread the news to the rest of the club. Finn pours out his heart (it doesn't take long) to her and admits that he wants to be with her for real. She shoots him down and blames it on a desire to minimize club drama. Finn takes it pretty well and states his intentions to pursue her anyways. Wow. Rachel finally gets what she wants... Isn't she lucky?
And then the club sings a very thematically and situationally appropriate song about hellos and goodbyes and all our relevant couples close out the episode looking depressed.
Fast Forward Count: 0
I warn you, this recap has been super-sized. I know not why.
Whoa there. The start-of-show recap suggests that the only people tuning in now who don't know what's going on are those who live in a cave or were just released from prison. Nice. I wonder what that says about me, tuning in 2 seasons late? Long space voyage? Also? That was a terrible recap that doesn't actually explain anything at all. Nice job.
Rachel, Mercedes, and Kurt walk down the hallway, still floating on the high of their Sectionals win. Clearly they are the cool kids of the school now, for sure. Or perhaps not. Asshole Karofsky and his homies slushie all three of them. We've apparently switched to a blue flavor now. And Kurt seems extremely tall. Is he in heels? Or have I just not noticed because Finn is the jolly green screentime-stealing giant?
Will and Figgins are talking. For whatever reason, Will seems to think that he and Glee have proven themselves and shouldn't be held to Figgins' original deal of a Regionals win or shutdown of Glee. Figgins and his electricity bill apparently feel otherwise. As does.... SUE SYLVESTER IS IN THE BUILDING! WITH COFFEE!! TAKE COVER!!! Figgins' pained expression is understated yet effective.
Oh my god. Sue Sylvester just informed the
Hmmm. I wonder if this spawned any fanfic? Links? Buehler?
And Figgins drop the obvious-at-this-point bomb of Sue's reinstatement on Will.
Apparently the entire football team is also the entire basketball team. And Finn is too busy being depressed and voiceovering to pay attention to the game. Rachel and her bright blue ″Team Finn″ t-shirt aren't helping either, I suppose. Rachel is the type to waltz around in a ″Team Edward″ shirt and fake sparkles, isn't she? Whatever. Looks like the McKinley High basketball team is just as awesomely bad as their football team. (Apparently the football team only won that one game. I guess ″Single Ladies″ was only a one-hit-wonder for them. Damn. And they had so many other Beyonce hits to choose from, too. Waste of opportunity, boys.)
And apparently Finn and Rachel are dating now? Or at least Rachel has decided that they are dating and Finn doesn't have the energy or stones to argue with the force of nature that is Rachel Berry. He would prefer to just allow himself to be swept up in her whirlwind of chatter and kitty calendars. She made him said calendar so he can have help remembering all of their dates that he's been ″forgetting″. He apparently finds listening to her even more difficult now that they are ″sort of″ dating. Don't worry, Finn. I stopped listening to her after the turkey-baster comment from episode 1. And Finn comes right out and admits that he isn't over Quinn.
Quinn, meanwhile, is getting a ″talking-to″ from Puck about her weight gain, referred to by said Romeo as ″super-sizing.″
P: ″I don't dig on fat chicks.″
Q: ″I'm pregnant!″
P: ″And that's my fault?″
*facepalm* You are dating this dreamsicle, Quinn? Didn't he get you drunk and then have sex with you when your were too inebriated to give consent? What?!?
Whatever, I know from my 2nd season dabbling (that started me on this whole mess in the first place – Damn you ″Original Song″ and ″Born This Way!″) that Puck and Zizes hook up, so STFU, Puck.
Couch Ken, apparently the basketball coach as well as the football coach, is pretty bummed about the loss of Emma. According to Finn's VO he's put on 40 pounds and stopped showering and is filling up our screen with a giant sandwich and forlorn expression. Awww. Poor Ken.
Finn VO moans that he is off his game and doesn't know how to get back on. I'm not sure you ever were on, Finn. I wouldn't worry about it. For whatever reason you've got hot girls mooning over you anyways. And apparently, despite his height, Finn, like me, sucks at basketball. Yay Glee – break down those stereotypes!
Sue cuts off some poor boy's ponytail and questions his gender-identity in the middle of the hallway and then hands the hunk of hair to a passing cheerleader. Watch out, McKinley, testicles are sure to be next. And then Will flags her down. Look out, Will, you're in the line of fire. Will is curious how Sue get her job back.
Oh, Sue. You're just so Sue. Sue took Figgins out to dinner (he tucks his napkin into his collar just like my grandma made me do when I was five) and drugs him. He wakes up in bed, naked from at least the chest up, next to Sue Sylvester who takes their picture, threatening to reveal the proof of their tawdry affair to Figgins' wife and church. Of note, Sue is in bed still wearing her usual Sueniform of a track suit.
***Special Feature***
Time for a vote: waking up in bed next to a devious Sue Sylvester - better or worse than waking up next to a decapitated horse's head?
******
This show is big on turning intoxication and rape into a joke, isn't it? *sigh* Okay, I'm just going to continue to tell myself that this show builds itself upon a basis of being outrageous and move along.
Anyways, Will tries to extend an olive branch and Sue confirms my previous suspicions by threatening to cut off and bury his family jewels. Damn. I think I've managed to pick up some of Rachel's
Will is the type of teacher that greets the class and expects a cheery ″hello″ to be chirped back at him in unison. Ugh. And then asks the kids how they answer the phone. Kurt, with a weary expression, replies ″No, she's dead. This is her son.″ Oh Kurt.
Will goes on to give them a mini history-lesson-cum-pep-talk about needing to be amazing at Regionals to improve their day-to-day lives. Rachel laments her slushie-stained training bra (har har). You sure those were slushie stains, Rach? I hear Finn has a bit of a problem...
Come to think of it, I need to go check the mail.
So Will gives them their challenge of the week – give a performance of a song with the word ″hello″ in the song title. Will's a fan of themes, isn't he?
Cut to Will and Emma staring moonily at each other. Emma has apparently not quit her job after all. Emma looks lovely, incidentally. Will monologues about how, if he wanted to, he could lean over and kiss Emma right there. You know, if it weren't for the desk between them. And the fact that they are at work. And that Emma's office has glass walls. Oh, so apparently they are a ″thing″ now? Did we finally follow-through on this story line? That happened faster than I'd expected.
(Also, it just occurred to me, a billion episodes late, I admit. Why the hell does the guidance counselor have an office with glass walls? No one in McKinley ever has any desire for privacy, I guess? No need to discuss sensitive topics without broadcasting to the world?)
Sue's grand plan? Get Santana and Brittany (oh you little snots!) to woo/seduce Finn and drive Rachel crazy to the point of quitting Glee in shame. That... could possibly work. Nice job, Sue. What's in it for rat-finks Britt and Santana? The head-cheerleader position. Careful, girls. Think about how much loyalty Sue had to the now-maligned Quinn Fabray.
And now Will and Finn are bonding over their not-baby-daddy drama. And Finn sings ″Hello″ and it's actually a decent song for his voice, I guess. As he's singing, we see shots of his dream-sequence life: basketball champion, fawned over and groped by the cheerleading squad, and confidently strutting down the hall. And also scenes of him performing in front of the glee club? So is this a dream sequence? Maybe part dream part real? Hmmm, in one of the glee shots we see him sex-strut up to Tina and sing to her while Kurt eyes him with lust and breathes heavily. Oh god, are we not over this yet? When can we dangle Darren Criss in front of the poor love-starved boy?
Oh sit down, Rachel, you spotlight-stealing egomaniac. Argh. She is so unbearably self-satisfied in this episode that I know it's all going to come crashing down around her in a painful and humiliating manner and I am gritting my teeth in sympathy already. I've got the fast-forward button poised, y'all.
And apparently Operation: Seduce Finn is a go, people. Britt and Santana approach him and begin to simper. Finn and his cocky little grin are total suckers. They make a date and Finn is pleased. Right up until Rachel catches him talking to the Terror Twins and calls him on it. He lies, badly, of course. Rachel reveals yet another startling level of self-awareness, and also tells Finn that she'll always be honest with him, requesting the same from him. Finn takes her at face-value and tells her he doesn't want to be her boyfriend, breaking up with her (inasmuch as one can break up with someone they didn't really know if they were dating). I suspect that Rachel is reassessing her desire for absolute relationship honesty. She calls him on his crap, apparently accurately by his reaction, and walks off in tears.
Glee Club. It's Rachel's turn to sing. ″Gives you Hell″ sung really obviously and uncomfortably directly to Finn and the Terror Twins. The entire Glee club, sans Finn, jumps up and backs her up. It's a bit awesome once I get past the initial this-could-be-horrifyingly-embarrassing factor. I think it's the fact that this is an ensemble piece rather than a ballady-overshare number that saves me from having to employ The Button.
Of Note: Other Asian Mike is a dancin' fool and Kurt likes plaid.
Will is unamused by Rachel's apparent spelling failure and attempts to put the fear of Glee into the kids. Dude is a total buzz kill, isn't he?
Rachel takes it upon herself to head to the library and look up Lionel Richie sheet music conveniently stored on the top of a centrally-located bookshelf. There, she meets Jesse St. James, member of Vocal Adrenaline, the show choir group from episode whatever that is apparently amazing and godlike and cannot be beat. He insults Rachel's Sectionals performance but notes that she is talented. As in previous episodes, Rachel makes the bad life choice of allowing herself to be charmed.
Guess what guys! The University of California, Los Angeles is in Los Angeles! Wow, Jesse. Good thing you've got looks and talent to rely on, huh?
So apparently there is a piano in this library? I guess I missed something and should rewind, huh? So by the presence of people with instruments that I missed earlier, I'm guessing this is either a really lenient music library or a music store. Jesse woos Rachel with Richie's ″Hello″ with Rachel joining him in a duet. I wasn't buying it until she joined him, actually, but I'm a total sucker for harmony (I really suck at harmonizing, for realz, guys) so it's nice enough. Not buying it off iTunes, though. Apparently their store/library audience disagrees because they clap. Jesse wants to get together with Rachel again.
I can tell you right now that he is a spy who wants to undermine the Glee club and cannot be trusted. My only point of doubt is whether Sue Sylvester put him up to it or not. I am also pretty sure Rachel and her broken heart are going to fall for it. Where is Kurt and his disdain-for-everyone's-bullshit-but-his-own when you need him?
Britt and Santana are out at a restaurant together and hassling the waitstaff. Santana's name has a couple extra, unnecessary letters in it, it turns out. Yes, that was a Satan joke. Deal. They begin debating the hotness ratings of various guys in school and trashing Rachel. We discover that they are doing this right in front of Finn, telling him that his participation in this date is limited to paying for the food and watching them make out, and dammit, he should be grateful for the honor.
With the stunning example of steadfastness and self-respect that Finn is, I can kinda see what sent Quinn running into the welcoming
No not, really. I just wanted to make the nipple ring crack. And we end the scene with this little gem from Brittany: ″Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?″
Will and Emma are on their date. Slow-dancing and flirting leads to horizontal couch-kissing when Emma puts on the breaks and informs Will that she's a little overwhelmed by how fast they are moving, informing him that she is, in fact, a virgin. Will is not entirely entranced with this news, worrying Emma, but recovers and they decide to watch a movie instead. A movie with guns and explosions.
Finn, having received his wake-up call-dinner tries to make up with Rachel (badly, I might add), and she gets the very-satisfying pleasure of telling him he's too late and she's already replaced him. Finn immediately wants to whip it out and measure with this new guy of Rachel's. Oh Finn. Interestingly, upon discovering the identity of Rachel's new man, Finn immediately clues in to the potential conflict of interest that might be occurring here. And we thought he was the dumb one.
(AND WHY IS EVERYONE FALLING IN EVERLASTING LOVE EVERY THREE SECONDS IN THIS SHOW? ARRRRRRRRRRGH!)
Sue's office. Satan and Britt are doing balance ball push-ups while being chewed out by Sue. I had to rewind to appreciate the Sarah Palin joke used here since it's tossed off so casually I didn't hear it the first time. Sue is ″engorged with venom.″ I am slightly nauseated at the imagery.
Time to watch the rival Vocal Adrenaline's performance of ″Highway to Hell″ that Jesse St. James annoyingly screeches at us while flames burn behind them. Maybe he'll catch on fire and my worries will be assuaged?
OH MY GOD IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS????? HI IDINA!
Oh my god is she hitting on Will? SHE IS! THEY ARE SUCKING FACE! Will is making disturbing sounds that make me think he needs to take a page from Finn's book and think of the mail. Idina, meanwhile, is still talking about her choir kids. This time Will calls a halt to the proceedings, inspiring Idina to question his sexuality, noting that most of the show choir directors she makes out with are gay.
Later, Will asks the self-proclaimed workaholic with no social life Idina for dating advice. She actually gives him some decent thoughts to ponder and slips him her number for later when he has his head on straight. Heh. Straight.
The next day, some of the Glee clubbers share with Rachel their concerns over her love life.
Mercedes: ″Look, we're not saying that dude is playing you-″
Kurt: ″He's playing you.″
Oh Kurt, I missed you. And get that hideous thing off your neck.
Wow, I did not expect the club, via Kurt, to give Rachel a break-up-with-Jesse ultimatum. Cold, man. Cold. And also difficult to believe they'd actually follow through on it.
Rachel reminds me of Idina Menzel a lot. Like, the actual Idina Menzel.
Sue calls Rachel in to see her. Rachel is dumb enough to obey without hiring bodyguards and a psychotherapist first. There is apparently a McKinley High Old Maids Club. And Zizes is in it. I find this difficult to believe. Did Sue hire these people? Turns out she did, or something like that. Wow, more scrotum jokes in the form of Zizes' tale of star-crossed wrestling team sweethearts. Ouch. And then Sue grinds her sneaker-clad heel directly onto Rachel's bundle of insecurities.
Emma-Terri throw down! Terri effectively undermines Emma's already-flagging confidence and spirits. When are Sue and Terri going to team up? They'd be the unbeatable evil team of evil.
Rachel goes to Jesse to find out if he's truly into her and to warn him of her eternal emotional stunting if it turns out he's playing her. His response? ″You're more of a drama-queen than I am.″ Hmm, maybe they are made for each other. They agree to have a secret
Emma confronts Will about their relationship, pretty much giving him the same advice that Idina did earlier. And thus another relationship bites the dust within the space of an episode.
Rachel tells Finn that she broke it off with Jesse, expecting him to spread the news to the rest of the club. Finn pours out his heart (it doesn't take long) to her and admits that he wants to be with her for real. She shoots him down and blames it on a desire to minimize club drama. Finn takes it pretty well and states his intentions to pursue her anyways. Wow. Rachel finally gets what she wants... Isn't she lucky?
And then the club sings a very thematically and situationally appropriate song about hellos and goodbyes and all our relevant couples close out the episode looking depressed.